The Poison.

This was not the original title I wanted to name this blog.
I initially wanted to title this blog as "Charvers are illiterate fucking cunts" but thought that was too stereotypical (that and the fact I was unable to find a song that was remotely close to this choice)
If you have been reading my Facebook ( Which to be fair, is where most of my blogs get linked) You will know that this weeks blog is about the social lowlife that is, Charvers.
These socially inept waste of space are living proof that, in the long run, spunk is sometimes better swallowed.
However, since making stereotypes is apparently wrong, I now feel obligated to say that there may be some good charvers out there, there is hope that natural selection will shine on them and hopefully create a small brood of mini-charvs that contribute to society and help old ladies across the road, without forcefully taking money off them.
Somehow, I doubt it though.

NOWWWW, IT'S TIME, FOR THE MAAAAAAAIIIIIIN EVENTTTTTTTT !!!!!

On the bus back from Newcastle, I was atop of a double decker bus, and since all the "good seats" were taken (the front ones and the back ones), I decided to stick with the social norm and found a seat which was away from everyone else.The back seats of the bus were taken up by three people.
These people.
Were Charvers.
The names are irrelevant. But the decision to sit at the back was without a doubt, one of the best decisions I had made in my entire bus journey back to Blyth.
The blog will now consist of extracts from the conversations by the Dolewalling bastards. If you do not like it. Click away onto porn or something else just as worthwhile. If you like laughing at people who are medically fine, but intellectually, a bit "lacking" then sit back, pull up a nice comfortable sitting position, and enjoy.

These Conversations extracts are as true as I can remember, with the amount of offensive language being as close to 100% accurate.

Man known in this blog, as Curtis (roughly 22 years old)-"Where's me fucking phone"
Woman known as Crystal ( Who still had a school uniform on, so at most, 16 Y.O) " I dont know where your fucking phone is"
Curtis - You fucking do, I fucking gave it to you, you fucking daft cunt
Cry - No you fucking didn't, so shut the fuck up
Cur -Dont you fucking start !!
Cry - I'm not fucking starting.
Cur -Dont you fucking start, I gave you my phone
Cry- I'm not fucking starting, No you fucking didn't
*This goes on for about 5 minutes, the language getting increasingly blue*
Silence..........
Curtis - Found me phone, it was in me back pocket.


10 minutes later
Crystal - I can do what I want, I've got the fucking money (bearing in mind she is a 16 Year Old schoolgirl
Curtis - Don't fucking bullshit, no you dont.
Crystal -..................................Me Mams got the money.

Who says charvers are spongers :O ??

Ten Minutes later
Curtis - Who you fucking texting ?
Crystal - Me Ma
Cur - Are ye fuck man
Cry - Yes I fucking am. Here, look *Shows Cuntis the phone*
Cur - Whey, how do I know this is it, you could've deleted it as soon as I asked (bearing in mind he snapped mere seconds after she got the text)
Cry - I fucking doubt it.
Cur - Whey I can't see your phone from there, you fucking spakkaaaaa

*At this point the third charver on the bus makes his voice heard, sort of.*
Chrisssssyy - Haaawhawwwwwwww (you all know the Charver laugh that I'm on about.)
Cur - If you're texting Jess again...
Cry - I'm not fucking texting Jess,besides, she's me mate anyway
Cur -If I ever see you with Jess, I'll fucking twat you.

Charvers- Domestically abusing girlfriends 5 years their juniors since 2010

Oh, And when driving past a First School, the quiet Charver decided to shout
"AHA, ST PAULS CATHOLIC SCHOOL, FUCKING SCUM, ****** IS BETTER!!!!"
This insult was shouted, at a first school. Yes ladies and gents, a Man, who looked about early 20's was mocking, a First School.
A Fecking First School.
I thought School rivalries went out of the window when your balls dropped ?.
And finally, the last extract of the worlds most hilarious bus journey.
The bus stop finally came , where the Twattish Trio finally left our "glorious" public transport system. It was then that I finally saw them. The two lads were dressed exactly how I'd expect a twenty year old Charver to dress.

• Adidas classis hoodies (both of them)
• Tattered jeans
• And one of them was even clutching a half empty Lambrini bottle

Classy.

And as they finally went downstairs, the swearing continued. Still as classy as ever, referring to each other as "fucking cunts" and it was at this point a man, who's name and face I will never know, did somethine which has given me a little bit of hope in the human race:

Random Bloke - Excuse me mate, can you tone down your language, I've got a bairn here who doesn't need to hear it
Cuntis - WHAAAT?!?!?!, I'm not fucking doing anything you stupid twat
Random - You are, you're swearing lots in front of my little'un
Cuntis - Fuck off (as he walks towards the bloke)

* It was at this point a scuffle broke out, and as I did not have a good look, I can only assume that Curtis was finally twatted, as when he got off the bus, he had a lovely red mark on his face :) *
The Charvers then retreated to their lovely little council houses, whilst making threatening gestures to the bloke who just wanted to keep his bairn away from the social scum that are Charvers.
I think this just about covers it. I hope you all enjoyed the Adventures of Curtis and Crystal.
And one or two final message to charvers.
"Over there is a fire, I suggest you go and die in it"
And my personal favourite
"Why don't you go and do something useful with your life. Like end it."
The Worlds not a shit place, it's just that Charvers make it seem that way CAW XX