3 Jagerbombs.
A small week of drinking by my now high standards. But then again, I was designated "Walker home" by my girlfriends 6ft 4, brick shithouse father. So who am I to disagree ??
An eventful weekend was capped off by hearing that a good friend of mine had dropped trow in front of traffic and mooned some policemen. Scott Dunn, be proud of yourself, I sure as hell am. Krash - a pretty awesome place if I'm honest, and I had a rather good time there. Still, nothing compare to the fun I had going to Newburn with my girlfriend, which took about twice as long as it was meant to. Still, I enjoyed cycling 20 miles (there and back) to basically have a picnic in the freezing cold. Because it was in the best of company. Seriously, I might take the piss out of her, might "be mean to her" and might annoy her more than she ever thought possible, but if anyone ever hurt her whilst she was with me, I'll kill them and make it look like an accident.
Which reminds me of another small rant I have to go about. What kind of friend deletes, blocks and generally cuts someone out of their life without giving a reason, I mean seriously, it's fucking cowardice. I'm aware this happened several months ago now, but I'm still a tad angry at the callousness of what this person did. Regardless of their intentions, I deserved an explanation.
Tonight's Halloween, or as I like to call it "Legal Paedophilia day" fortunately I have gotten around the annoying idea of kids knocking at my door, I've removed it from it's hinges. Checkmate you little fuckers.
Today I came home, and watched Newcastle stuff the great unwashed. Personally I'm now looking forward to Toms newest blog :)
I also would like to clarify that when Blyth aren't playing, I support Newcastle. If they both played on a Saturday, I would be looking for Blyths result on the forum, Blyths result on Final Score, or be coming home from Croft Park talking about the result. However when the teams play on different days, I can happily look for both scores. Glad I cleared that up for you all.
Oh and one more thing, I think I'm going to my first Blyth match of the season next week, finally. I've not had time to get around to go to one, God knows I've missed the terraces.
Cancer Bats on Sunday, this may be my last blog post, as I will probably die there. Leave my body to medical science, to see if you can extract pure evil from a body.
Let's do this shit. CAW xx
Sunday, 31 October 2010
Saturday, 23 October 2010
My Last Serenade
Well, yesterday was epic.
9 Jack Daniels and Coke (One of which was bought for me by a beaten Tory, geddin)
7 shots of Jack Daniels, straight.
4 shots of Jagermeister
1 shot of Tequila (ergh)
and a Jagerbomb.
Ultimately resulting in me drinking my weeks worth of alcohol within a 12 hour space. Yet I was still unable to fall into a beautiful drunken stupour.
Brens 18th last night was just utter carnage from start to finish.
From me extending my winless run at pool to seeing Rainbows penis, the entire night was one of drunken teenage debauchery. Which I loved.
Whilst on the road trip up to Berwick, we witnessed first hand the de-flowering of Whiskey drinking for Lewis Stephenson. One which resulted in a hilarious coughing fit in the back of a tightly packed Renault Megane.
Once in the land of the sweaty socks I was struck by an overwhelming urge to open up the Jager, which I did, and being the kind hearted individual that I am *Cough* I decided to share it out with everyone, which basically set the ball rolling for a pretty heavy night of drinking on my account.
The key events of the night included
In the meantime, I suppose I'll just continue drinking my own body weight in Jack Daniels until my liver just says "Fuck this" and packs in
Let's do this shit. CAW XX
9 Jack Daniels and Coke (One of which was bought for me by a beaten Tory, geddin)
7 shots of Jack Daniels, straight.
4 shots of Jagermeister
1 shot of Tequila (ergh)
and a Jagerbomb.
Ultimately resulting in me drinking my weeks worth of alcohol within a 12 hour space. Yet I was still unable to fall into a beautiful drunken stupour.
Brens 18th last night was just utter carnage from start to finish.
From me extending my winless run at pool to seeing Rainbows penis, the entire night was one of drunken teenage debauchery. Which I loved.
Whilst on the road trip up to Berwick, we witnessed first hand the de-flowering of Whiskey drinking for Lewis Stephenson. One which resulted in a hilarious coughing fit in the back of a tightly packed Renault Megane.
Once in the land of the sweaty socks I was struck by an overwhelming urge to open up the Jager, which I did, and being the kind hearted individual that I am *Cough* I decided to share it out with everyone, which basically set the ball rolling for a pretty heavy night of drinking on my account.
The key events of the night included
- Me falling asleep with a bottle of Jack Daniels in my arm.
- Headbanging with my mates
- Reminiscing about old First School chicken curry
- playing acoustic guitar whilst my friends sang beside me, campfire style, except without the paedophilia
- and finally, gang -raping the birthday boy himself whilst shirtless.
In the meantime, I suppose I'll just continue drinking my own body weight in Jack Daniels until my liver just says "Fuck this" and packs in
Let's do this shit. CAW XX
Friday, 15 October 2010
Sometime Around Midnight.
So here I sit, with my Jack Daniels and Coke in one hand, my smartprice pot noodle avec bread billowing steam which almost seems to sway upwards to the slow drumbeat of the Airbourne Toxic Event's melancholy masterpiece "Sometime Around Midnight." As I slowly scroll through the blogs I wrote under the pseudonym of the Seventeen Year Old Cynic having a sly chuckle to myself every few seconds or so I suddenly have the sudden realisation.
My life is fucking awesome.
Whilst my old blog would have made no attempt to justify this rare showing of optomism and happiness due to the fact I would have referred to this happy version of myself as a "Stupid fucking cunt", this new blog (Aptly named the ramblings of a drunken madman) shall be my attempt to show people that I am not just a foul mouthed socialist bastard. There is actually emotion to the seemingly mindless blogs which I post.
The last few weeks have seen me turn from a boy into a man, according to the law. I personally see myself still as the juvenile imbecile who has unfortunately turned himself into the class clown for others gain and ultimately, his own downfall. I am making the conscious effort to become work-orientated, but this has not been helped by the fact I now have the temptation of being able to go to the local pub/club/space bar for a quick Jack & Coke. What I would not give to be able find the sudden and resounding urge to finally pick up a textbook rather than crack a funny, sit back in my seat, put my feet on the table, headphones in, world out. And hope for the best come January.
This has ultimately been caused by the startling discovery that I have just sauntered through my education for the last 4 years. I have relied upon my natural intelligence, sat back and became the joker, confidently expecting the good grades come August time, and usually becoming pretty damn depressed at the final outcomes. The fear that I may not be going to a decent university is a pretty damn possible outcome..
***MY GLASS IS EMPTY, PLEASE TAKE 30 SECONDS BREAK WHILST I REFILL***
Where was I ? Oh yes, potentially fucking up the rest of my life...
The work starts now. Simples (As everyones favourite communist Meerkat would say)
In the meantime, I will have the odd drink here and there, when every bit of work is finished (give or take a few non-essential bits). After all, I got so much drink for my 18th (which was two weeks ago, thanks for asking) it would be a shame to waste a litre of 50% Vodka, and bottle of Apple Sourz, 2 Litres of Jack, and a bottle of Jagermeister. Which reminds me...
Thank you for everyone who came to my 18th, I got so incredibly rat-arsed and I couldn't have done it without my closest friends beside me.
In other news, I have a small, friendly bet with Shannon Atkins, if I can go a week without "Tory-Bashing" she owes me a Jack and Coke. This will be tough, and most of my friends are judging me given the fact I'm holding back my views to the point where I will probably have an aneurysm. But the pride at stake will be even more, as I will have had a drink bought for me by a beaten conservative.
For those who are still clueless to the latest direction of my blog. I will be literally whatever is on my mind, from whatever viewpoint I am feeling, posted whenever I have the urge to blog. However it will still be posted on the Friday or the Saturday.
Sentiments aside, let's do this shit. CAW
My life is fucking awesome.
Whilst my old blog would have made no attempt to justify this rare showing of optomism and happiness due to the fact I would have referred to this happy version of myself as a "Stupid fucking cunt", this new blog (Aptly named the ramblings of a drunken madman) shall be my attempt to show people that I am not just a foul mouthed socialist bastard. There is actually emotion to the seemingly mindless blogs which I post.
The last few weeks have seen me turn from a boy into a man, according to the law. I personally see myself still as the juvenile imbecile who has unfortunately turned himself into the class clown for others gain and ultimately, his own downfall. I am making the conscious effort to become work-orientated, but this has not been helped by the fact I now have the temptation of being able to go to the local pub/club/space bar for a quick Jack & Coke. What I would not give to be able find the sudden and resounding urge to finally pick up a textbook rather than crack a funny, sit back in my seat, put my feet on the table, headphones in, world out. And hope for the best come January.
This has ultimately been caused by the startling discovery that I have just sauntered through my education for the last 4 years. I have relied upon my natural intelligence, sat back and became the joker, confidently expecting the good grades come August time, and usually becoming pretty damn depressed at the final outcomes. The fear that I may not be going to a decent university is a pretty damn possible outcome..
***MY GLASS IS EMPTY, PLEASE TAKE 30 SECONDS BREAK WHILST I REFILL***
Where was I ? Oh yes, potentially fucking up the rest of my life...
The work starts now. Simples (As everyones favourite communist Meerkat would say)
In the meantime, I will have the odd drink here and there, when every bit of work is finished (give or take a few non-essential bits). After all, I got so much drink for my 18th (which was two weeks ago, thanks for asking) it would be a shame to waste a litre of 50% Vodka, and bottle of Apple Sourz, 2 Litres of Jack, and a bottle of Jagermeister. Which reminds me...
Thank you for everyone who came to my 18th, I got so incredibly rat-arsed and I couldn't have done it without my closest friends beside me.
In other news, I have a small, friendly bet with Shannon Atkins, if I can go a week without "Tory-Bashing" she owes me a Jack and Coke. This will be tough, and most of my friends are judging me given the fact I'm holding back my views to the point where I will probably have an aneurysm. But the pride at stake will be even more, as I will have had a drink bought for me by a beaten conservative.
For those who are still clueless to the latest direction of my blog. I will be literally whatever is on my mind, from whatever viewpoint I am feeling, posted whenever I have the urge to blog. However it will still be posted on the Friday or the Saturday.
Sentiments aside, let's do this shit. CAW
Saturday, 25 September 2010
The Final Post of the Seventeen Year Old Cynic.
Yes, this is it.
The final blog entry of the Seventeen year old cynic (I decided to give myself this alter ego as a lot of figures in history had alter ego's, For example :
But in all seriousness, the mutterings of a seventeen year old cynic was only started as I had been told ranting and venting makes you feel better and allows more personal growth and emotional stability.
That person in now in a mental home.
I actually don't have much to rant about anymore, it's quite unfortunate.
Although there is a handful of things I can think of from the top of my head.
Stupid People.
Michael McIntyre.
And whatever fills my angry little skull whilst I write this.
On Facebook (you know what that is, it's that thing that's responsible for a generation of teenagers obsessed with getting as many friends online as possible) there was a girls "about me section" which read " Aim for the moon, so even if you fail, you'll land among the stars"
For normal people, this would read as something rather cute, but for me, this represents a stupid bitch. Does she not know that the moon is just a tad close to us than the sun??
Does she not know that if you failed in reaching the moon, you'd run out of oxygen and die?
Silly bitch, should be in the kitchen making me a sammich.
EDIT - This is not about Catherine :P
Mr Michael McIntyre, since your show the "Comedy Roadshow" (And I use the term comedy VERY loosely) is a very damaging show to the environment, due to you travelling the length and width of the country to find some new comedy "talent" may I suggest saving the planet another way by not using paper to write jokes, instead, you can just prance up and down the stage, put on high pitched voices, and wiggle your hair backwards and forwards. Then you'll somehow cause the paying public will bray like donkeys and clap like fish fed seals like some mutant half seal, half donkey offspring.
Speaking of mutant offspring, did any of you see that Chris Moyles hasn't been paid in two months ?
Wow, it must really make a difference when you are paid £500,000 of the taxpayers annual funding you obnoxious bastard. Hows about you suck it up, be a man about it, and talk to the directors, instead of ranting on air to your faithful listeners and expecting them to call some sort of Russian Revolutio-esque strike.
You cunt.
A small blog by my standards, however, I think "The Mutterings of a Seventeen Year Old Cynic" has been fun, and has, as such, run it's course.
Only kidding, the blogs will be back, but under a new name, the title is only a deviation to the normal "What I'm listening to" because this time I will not be the 17 year old cynic, I will be 18 (Fuck, shit, bollocks, cunting wankering spunkfest) so I will be coming back soon, but with a new name. ;) Look out for the "Ramblings of a Drunken Madman"
Till then, the world's not a shit place, Stupid pricks make it seem that way.
Seventeen year Old cynic, signing off.
The final blog entry of the Seventeen year old cynic (I decided to give myself this alter ego as a lot of figures in history had alter ego's, For example :
- Ronnie Barker had Gerald Wiley
- David Bowie had Ziggy Stardust
- Clark Kent had Superman
- And the Pope has this alter ego
But in all seriousness, the mutterings of a seventeen year old cynic was only started as I had been told ranting and venting makes you feel better and allows more personal growth and emotional stability.That person in now in a mental home.
I actually don't have much to rant about anymore, it's quite unfortunate.
Although there is a handful of things I can think of from the top of my head.
Stupid People.
Michael McIntyre.
And whatever fills my angry little skull whilst I write this.
On Facebook (you know what that is, it's that thing that's responsible for a generation of teenagers obsessed with getting as many friends online as possible) there was a girls "about me section" which read " Aim for the moon, so even if you fail, you'll land among the stars"
For normal people, this would read as something rather cute, but for me, this represents a stupid bitch. Does she not know that the moon is just a tad close to us than the sun??
Does she not know that if you failed in reaching the moon, you'd run out of oxygen and die?
Silly bitch, should be in the kitchen making me a sammich.
EDIT - This is not about Catherine :P
Mr Michael McIntyre, since your show the "Comedy Roadshow" (And I use the term comedy VERY loosely) is a very damaging show to the environment, due to you travelling the length and width of the country to find some new comedy "talent" may I suggest saving the planet another way by not using paper to write jokes, instead, you can just prance up and down the stage, put on high pitched voices, and wiggle your hair backwards and forwards. Then you'll somehow cause the paying public will bray like donkeys and clap like fish fed seals like some mutant half seal, half donkey offspring.
Speaking of mutant offspring, did any of you see that Chris Moyles hasn't been paid in two months ?
Wow, it must really make a difference when you are paid £500,000 of the taxpayers annual funding you obnoxious bastard. Hows about you suck it up, be a man about it, and talk to the directors, instead of ranting on air to your faithful listeners and expecting them to call some sort of Russian Revolutio-esque strike.
You cunt.
A small blog by my standards, however, I think "The Mutterings of a Seventeen Year Old Cynic" has been fun, and has, as such, run it's course.
Only kidding, the blogs will be back, but under a new name, the title is only a deviation to the normal "What I'm listening to" because this time I will not be the 17 year old cynic, I will be 18 (Fuck, shit, bollocks, cunting wankering spunkfest) so I will be coming back soon, but with a new name. ;) Look out for the "Ramblings of a Drunken Madman"
Till then, the world's not a shit place, Stupid pricks make it seem that way.
Seventeen year Old cynic, signing off.
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
Christopher Walkens speech in Pulp Fiction.
Yes, this is currently what I'm listening to.
It's been a long time since I've blogged, and I'm worried I may have lost my offensive edge, so what I'm going to do is a "pre seasons" blog, where I warm up for another onslaught of the college year, this blog will be me using some of my most offensive phrases, designed to offend nobody in particular.I shall also do this in a monologue format, like a very ranty speech.Here goes....
I've recently got back from a two week holiday in Lanzarote, it was fucking boiling, but no-one could give a shite if had been to the city of Atlantis or if I had been to Hiroshima (although that would explain my new limbs). In my hotel there was a little gym where I decided to go to TRY and muscle up. I should explain, gyms are these mythical places where the beautiful people of the world go to meet up with other beautiful people and laugh with other beautiful people. It is a place where the normal people, the ones who enjoy a pie and a pint at a football match are made to feel like lepers (which reminds me, what did the leper say to the prostitute ?? Keep the tip.). I was on the bike where I saw Katy Perrys newest video, it was also at this point where my cock exploded (fortunately I already had a towel handy, for the machines, that's my reason and I'm sticking to it)
Also at this hotel was a man in a wheelchair, now, I don't have to be particularly talented to get jokes out of this one, so all I shall say is this, you have never seen anything as funny in your life as a pelatic man where inly 50% of his limbs actually work. Club singers are also frequent in tourist destinations , and some of their voices were so bad that the only way I can describe them was if I can get you to imagine an animal being slowly impaled with a hosepipe up their anal canal.
Walking through Costa Teguise town centre I saw a "Missing Kid" notice, now, I don't know the proper Spanish term for missing kid, although in ignorant spanish it is pronounced "Missing-o ......KID-O" with lots of gesticulating.Anyway, I digress, this missing kid poster. I took one look at it and thought "Jesus Christ, the police might as well send out their divers for a body because no kidnappers will be keeping that ugly fucker alive to rape."
Read the Sunday Mirror whilst I was over there, and saw in it an article about Jon Venables saying he has "Found God" (in the Catholic sense)and has claimed he has been "forgiven".It made me think. He obviously knows what he's doing, because if ANY religion in the world is going to forgive you for fiddling kids, it'll be the Catholics. And unfortunately, that isn't a joke, especially coupled with the Grand Master Paedophiles visit to the UK (AKA The Pope).
It was also claimed at the Mirror and the BBC (by our good 'ol Tory Propaganda machine The Sun) that they give too much coverage to Labour, and smear the Tories too much. Win for hypocrisy right there. But to be fair, if the BBC DID have an anti Tory bias, they would have done something about it, like spending billions of taxpayers license fee's to research an injectable form of Alzheimers in Margeret Thatcher during a 1987 episode of question time.THEORETICALLY.
Oh, and whilst we're on the subject on degenerative diseases, they've found a cure for cerebal palsy, it's called a silver bullet.
Ooooh, I'm now watching the gimp scene in Pulp Fiction, legendary :)
Which reminds me of another form of abuse, feeding me airline food. I would not feed that shit to my worst fucking enemy, it is honestly only eaten because between the choice of not eating for 48 hours, and eating something whilst looks like regurgitated faeces, I would eat the pukey poop. Albeit it begrudgingly.
I also had a small round of mini golf over there, which some fucking Germans interrupted by walking across the course. So, being the good sport I am, decided to let it slide........ish
HOWEVER, when my sister asked the time, I took great satisfaction is telling her
"19:45, although it was 19:18 not too long ago"
However I did not mention the football, due to the fact those schnitzel eating krauts got us back not too long ago.
Our representative in the hotel was in my opinion, the living emobodiment of the phrase "a fucking screw loose" his name was Igor, and I have no doubt in my mind that he was on grade A narcotics.He was a beautiful human being. Even though he was Portugese.
And to finish of my anger part of the blog, I shall end with fair trade products, which were being pressed upon me during my time over in the Canary Isles.
I could not give a fuck if my cocoa beans come from the bloody hands of Robert Mugabes beaten and oppressed people, if I can get them for 20p less than your fair trade shit, I'll get them.
It felt good to get that off my chest, if you have read this without spitting feathers, reporting me to the relevant authorities, or in general wanting nothing more to do with me. Thanks you.
Normal service will be resumed after the first week in college, which I'm weirdly looking forward to.
Whiteman xx
It's been a long time since I've blogged, and I'm worried I may have lost my offensive edge, so what I'm going to do is a "pre seasons" blog, where I warm up for another onslaught of the college year, this blog will be me using some of my most offensive phrases, designed to offend nobody in particular.I shall also do this in a monologue format, like a very ranty speech.Here goes....
I've recently got back from a two week holiday in Lanzarote, it was fucking boiling, but no-one could give a shite if had been to the city of Atlantis or if I had been to Hiroshima (although that would explain my new limbs). In my hotel there was a little gym where I decided to go to TRY and muscle up. I should explain, gyms are these mythical places where the beautiful people of the world go to meet up with other beautiful people and laugh with other beautiful people. It is a place where the normal people, the ones who enjoy a pie and a pint at a football match are made to feel like lepers (which reminds me, what did the leper say to the prostitute ?? Keep the tip.). I was on the bike where I saw Katy Perrys newest video, it was also at this point where my cock exploded (fortunately I already had a towel handy, for the machines, that's my reason and I'm sticking to it)
Also at this hotel was a man in a wheelchair, now, I don't have to be particularly talented to get jokes out of this one, so all I shall say is this, you have never seen anything as funny in your life as a pelatic man where inly 50% of his limbs actually work. Club singers are also frequent in tourist destinations , and some of their voices were so bad that the only way I can describe them was if I can get you to imagine an animal being slowly impaled with a hosepipe up their anal canal.
Walking through Costa Teguise town centre I saw a "Missing Kid" notice, now, I don't know the proper Spanish term for missing kid, although in ignorant spanish it is pronounced "Missing-o ......KID-O" with lots of gesticulating.Anyway, I digress, this missing kid poster. I took one look at it and thought "Jesus Christ, the police might as well send out their divers for a body because no kidnappers will be keeping that ugly fucker alive to rape."
Read the Sunday Mirror whilst I was over there, and saw in it an article about Jon Venables saying he has "Found God" (in the Catholic sense)and has claimed he has been "forgiven".It made me think. He obviously knows what he's doing, because if ANY religion in the world is going to forgive you for fiddling kids, it'll be the Catholics. And unfortunately, that isn't a joke, especially coupled with the Grand Master Paedophiles visit to the UK (AKA The Pope).
It was also claimed at the Mirror and the BBC (by our good 'ol Tory Propaganda machine The Sun) that they give too much coverage to Labour, and smear the Tories too much. Win for hypocrisy right there. But to be fair, if the BBC DID have an anti Tory bias, they would have done something about it, like spending billions of taxpayers license fee's to research an injectable form of Alzheimers in Margeret Thatcher during a 1987 episode of question time.THEORETICALLY.
Oh, and whilst we're on the subject on degenerative diseases, they've found a cure for cerebal palsy, it's called a silver bullet.
Ooooh, I'm now watching the gimp scene in Pulp Fiction, legendary :)
Which reminds me of another form of abuse, feeding me airline food. I would not feed that shit to my worst fucking enemy, it is honestly only eaten because between the choice of not eating for 48 hours, and eating something whilst looks like regurgitated faeces, I would eat the pukey poop. Albeit it begrudgingly.
I also had a small round of mini golf over there, which some fucking Germans interrupted by walking across the course. So, being the good sport I am, decided to let it slide........ish
HOWEVER, when my sister asked the time, I took great satisfaction is telling her
"19:45, although it was 19:18 not too long ago"
However I did not mention the football, due to the fact those schnitzel eating krauts got us back not too long ago.
Our representative in the hotel was in my opinion, the living emobodiment of the phrase "a fucking screw loose" his name was Igor, and I have no doubt in my mind that he was on grade A narcotics.He was a beautiful human being. Even though he was Portugese.
And to finish of my anger part of the blog, I shall end with fair trade products, which were being pressed upon me during my time over in the Canary Isles.
I could not give a fuck if my cocoa beans come from the bloody hands of Robert Mugabes beaten and oppressed people, if I can get them for 20p less than your fair trade shit, I'll get them.
It felt good to get that off my chest, if you have read this without spitting feathers, reporting me to the relevant authorities, or in general wanting nothing more to do with me. Thanks you.
Normal service will be resumed after the first week in college, which I'm weirdly looking forward to.
Whiteman xx
Monday, 19 July 2010
Downfall Of Us All
*All of this blog will be written in jest and only a fool would take it as my own beliefs and serious opinions*
Well, basically, I've got nothing to rant about properly, so I am officially taking a summer break
*Pauses to hear dozens of people cheer*
So for my last blog for a few weeks I thought I'll give you all something nice to think about.
The end of the world.
This was a theory that me and an old school friend discussed way back, 2 years ago. When we discovered the Ebola Virus. For those who don't know, I shall give you an extract to the information from the "Ebola Facebook Page"
"Ebola is a disease found in mainland Africa, deep in jungles. The first symptoms of ebola are a high fever and extreme muscular pains in the head and back. After this the patient becomes inable to leave the bed due to the extreme pain caused by the disease destroying connective tissues in the muscles. Next the virus spreads to all the internal organs and begins to literally liquify them except from the liver, which it turns into a giant ball of blood clot. The patient then begins to vomit blood along with liquified parts of organ and blood begins to leak from every orrifice in the body including the genitalia and (if you're female) the nipples. The lining of the gut then becomes distatched and is passed through the anus along with a lot of blood. The virus then begins attacking the connective tissue in the skin and the skin begins to tear off in large chunks. The patient then suffers painful and uncontrollable convulsions of the body followed by blood leaking violently from the mouth and anus. Finally necrosis sets in and the patient begins to rot up to 3 days before finally dying. The disease is particularly violent in pregnant woman causing spontaneous abortion of the child who is born showing symptoms that they died of ebola. The mother then dies from uncontrollable blood loss from the cervix. This disease is 100% real and has a mortality rate of around 90-92%. The first place the worst strain of this disease struck was at a nun missionary in Yambuku, Zaire (Now Democratic Republic Of Congo). Where is your god now?"ebola is spread through direct contact with blood or other bodily secretion of infected people. This close proximity infection, makes outbreaks among small communities and families very common. Infection can also be caused through contact with contaminated medical equipment such as needles, glassware, no sterile equipment, or careless lab procedures.
This got me and my friend thinking, what would happen if Ebola broke out and infected the world, akin to a "dawn of the dead" type virus??
Well this is how the Ebola Doomsday Theory started, and until recently lay dormant in my warped mind, until Andrew Herridge decided to help me develop the theory.
The initial thought of the virus is that it kills 9/10 people.
Also, at this time, the rate of homosexuality in people was about 1/10
This cannot be a coincidence, so surely the ones who survive ebola must be gay.
So this with that logic ebola will wipe out most of the heterosexual humans in this planet.
The theory then developed into "ebola is the type of disease that is so horrific, it attacks your soul first"
This led me and Herridge into the next survivors of the Ebola virus.
Gingers.
These people will not be killed due to the fact they do not have souls to begin with, therefore the virus cannot be fully effective on them. So the only hope of reproducing in this virus destroyed world will be ginger kids. Oh dear.
As the gay people will not reproduce, they will have no responsibility to families, and will therefore be appointed as "village" leaders in the slowly rebuilding world, due to the fact they will not have any other committments.
So the villages will be led by their leaders (chances are they'll want to be like a monarchy, so may I suggest calling them Queens? Or has that already been taken?) So by the end of it we will have villages overrun with ginger kids with an exquisite fashion sense.
In this new world of gays and gingers however, there will still be prejudice, but not towards the usual suspects ( the set of survivors) no, the intolerance will pass onto the next generation, due to the ginger gene/curse being a recessive allelle, therefore any non ginger child will be prejudiced against. This will be down to the fact that ginger kids have suffered for generations due to their tangey-ness, and will be looking for some payback.
WE WILL BE EXACTLY HOW WE ARE NOW,ONLY WITH ROLE-REVERSAL!!!
This, coupled with the "bitchiness" of their gay leaders, will lead to the suicide of every non-ginger child ever concieved in this apocalyptic world, leading to the inevitable genocide of non gingers and the purity of the new "ayran race of orangeness"
Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed this final blog before my summer break.
I hope you're now all aware about the potential threat that is posed to our society if an Ebola virus ever does break out.
The world's not a shit place, but it could end soon....CAW XX
Well, basically, I've got nothing to rant about properly, so I am officially taking a summer break
*Pauses to hear dozens of people cheer*
So for my last blog for a few weeks I thought I'll give you all something nice to think about.
The end of the world.
This was a theory that me and an old school friend discussed way back, 2 years ago. When we discovered the Ebola Virus. For those who don't know, I shall give you an extract to the information from the "Ebola Facebook Page"
"Ebola is a disease found in mainland Africa, deep in jungles. The first symptoms of ebola are a high fever and extreme muscular pains in the head and back. After this the patient becomes inable to leave the bed due to the extreme pain caused by the disease destroying connective tissues in the muscles. Next the virus spreads to all the internal organs and begins to literally liquify them except from the liver, which it turns into a giant ball of blood clot. The patient then begins to vomit blood along with liquified parts of organ and blood begins to leak from every orrifice in the body including the genitalia and (if you're female) the nipples. The lining of the gut then becomes distatched and is passed through the anus along with a lot of blood. The virus then begins attacking the connective tissue in the skin and the skin begins to tear off in large chunks. The patient then suffers painful and uncontrollable convulsions of the body followed by blood leaking violently from the mouth and anus. Finally necrosis sets in and the patient begins to rot up to 3 days before finally dying. The disease is particularly violent in pregnant woman causing spontaneous abortion of the child who is born showing symptoms that they died of ebola. The mother then dies from uncontrollable blood loss from the cervix. This disease is 100% real and has a mortality rate of around 90-92%. The first place the worst strain of this disease struck was at a nun missionary in Yambuku, Zaire (Now Democratic Republic Of Congo). Where is your god now?"ebola is spread through direct contact with blood or other bodily secretion of infected people. This close proximity infection, makes outbreaks among small communities and families very common. Infection can also be caused through contact with contaminated medical equipment such as needles, glassware, no sterile equipment, or careless lab procedures.
This got me and my friend thinking, what would happen if Ebola broke out and infected the world, akin to a "dawn of the dead" type virus??
Well this is how the Ebola Doomsday Theory started, and until recently lay dormant in my warped mind, until Andrew Herridge decided to help me develop the theory.
The initial thought of the virus is that it kills 9/10 people.
Also, at this time, the rate of homosexuality in people was about 1/10
This cannot be a coincidence, so surely the ones who survive ebola must be gay.
So this with that logic ebola will wipe out most of the heterosexual humans in this planet.
The theory then developed into "ebola is the type of disease that is so horrific, it attacks your soul first"
This led me and Herridge into the next survivors of the Ebola virus.
Gingers.
These people will not be killed due to the fact they do not have souls to begin with, therefore the virus cannot be fully effective on them. So the only hope of reproducing in this virus destroyed world will be ginger kids. Oh dear.
As the gay people will not reproduce, they will have no responsibility to families, and will therefore be appointed as "village" leaders in the slowly rebuilding world, due to the fact they will not have any other committments.
So the villages will be led by their leaders (chances are they'll want to be like a monarchy, so may I suggest calling them Queens? Or has that already been taken?) So by the end of it we will have villages overrun with ginger kids with an exquisite fashion sense.
In this new world of gays and gingers however, there will still be prejudice, but not towards the usual suspects ( the set of survivors) no, the intolerance will pass onto the next generation, due to the ginger gene/curse being a recessive allelle, therefore any non ginger child will be prejudiced against. This will be down to the fact that ginger kids have suffered for generations due to their tangey-ness, and will be looking for some payback.
WE WILL BE EXACTLY HOW WE ARE NOW,ONLY WITH ROLE-REVERSAL!!!
This, coupled with the "bitchiness" of their gay leaders, will lead to the suicide of every non-ginger child ever concieved in this apocalyptic world, leading to the inevitable genocide of non gingers and the purity of the new "ayran race of orangeness"
Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed this final blog before my summer break.
I hope you're now all aware about the potential threat that is posed to our society if an Ebola virus ever does break out.
The world's not a shit place, but it could end soon....CAW XX
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
That Was Just Your Life
Oh Metallica, how I've missed you.
The same can be said for my blog, I've missed ranting, but I've been quite content at the moment, up until I saw George Osbournes face on Prime Ministers questions.
His face makes me so mad I want to punch a child in the face because of it. LOL JK I punch children anyway.
Which reminds me, bandwagons are, and will always be, shit!
Lately I've been running out of steam with the contents of my blog, and I think after my last blog I raged enough for several weeks worth.
Hence this very belated blog, written on a Tuesday afternoon :O
Watching the BBC news channel at the moment, and is hearing that the most deadly place in Afghanistan is being handed over from British control to American control. This is a good move, as everyone would prefer a dead American to a dead Brit (there, I said it)
The anniversary of 7/7 is today, and this is a topic that not even I'm sick enough to crack a funny on.
However, one subject I am willing to joke about, is Raoul Moat.
What a steroid addicted child beating cunt.
I'll explain this story in very simple terms
Another story I'm hearing on BBC news is that two gay asylum seekers have been granted asylum due to the fact that they would suffer persecution.
I think I'll just dodge this potential homophobic minefield right here.
Adverts - mainly, 5 gum
What is the point in having an advert where the only line in advertising is "How it feels to chew 5 gum" and then what follows it is a man lying on a giant pool of ball bearings whilst a heavy bassline kicks in. What does this say about the gum ? Does it have a heavy bassline ? Does it taste of balls ? or men ?
Why don't the makers of this gum just use the same line "How it feels to chew 5gum" and have the same man, in front of the camera, chew it, and go "mmm, that's quite nice"
"YOU'RE WASTING TAXPAYERS MONEY WITH YOUR NONSENSICAL ADVERTS YOU SET OF MONEY WASTING CUNTS!!!!!!!"
[/rage]
Another T.V anger point was tuning into the show "Being N- Dubz". All I understood from it is that 3 talentless cunts somehow got a record deal, and then because they were from some slums, they earned their own t.v show.
Here's an idea Channel 4, save money for this show by just having 3 graphic photos of knobs on it, because let's face it, that gives us an even better insight as to what "Being N-Dubz" is like.
End of rage, hope you enjoyed it, ish
The worlds not a shite place, but pointless T.V makes it seem that way. CAW XX
The same can be said for my blog, I've missed ranting, but I've been quite content at the moment, up until I saw George Osbournes face on Prime Ministers questions.
His face makes me so mad I want to punch a child in the face because of it. LOL JK I punch children anyway.
Which reminds me, bandwagons are, and will always be, shit!
Lately I've been running out of steam with the contents of my blog, and I think after my last blog I raged enough for several weeks worth.
Hence this very belated blog, written on a Tuesday afternoon :O
Watching the BBC news channel at the moment, and is hearing that the most deadly place in Afghanistan is being handed over from British control to American control. This is a good move, as everyone would prefer a dead American to a dead Brit (there, I said it)
The anniversary of 7/7 is today, and this is a topic that not even I'm sick enough to crack a funny on.
However, one subject I am willing to joke about, is Raoul Moat.
What a steroid addicted child beating cunt.
I'll explain this story in very simple terms
- This ginger brick shit house got into a bad ass roid rage and twatted a child
- He got arrested, and was given 18 weeks in prison
- He got out, and found out his ex bird had shacked up with the other bloke, who he thought was a police officer
- He got into another roid rage, turned green, said "you wouldn't like me when I'm angry" and shot his ex and the new boyfriend (the boyfriend then died, everyone say "awww")
- He then shot a copper, he lived (yay!)
- He then went on the run, and declared war on the police (I don't blame him, Sting is a right pretentious cunt)
- And now we're onto the present day, where countless rumours (mostly spawned by me ) have been circulating as to Moats whereabouts
- He's in Rothbury
- And Blyth, and Amble, and Seaton Delaval, and Birtley, and Longbenton.
- Allegedly
Another story I'm hearing on BBC news is that two gay asylum seekers have been granted asylum due to the fact that they would suffer persecution.
I think I'll just dodge this potential homophobic minefield right here.
Adverts - mainly, 5 gum
What is the point in having an advert where the only line in advertising is "How it feels to chew 5 gum" and then what follows it is a man lying on a giant pool of ball bearings whilst a heavy bassline kicks in. What does this say about the gum ? Does it have a heavy bassline ? Does it taste of balls ? or men ?
Why don't the makers of this gum just use the same line "How it feels to chew 5gum" and have the same man, in front of the camera, chew it, and go "mmm, that's quite nice"
"YOU'RE WASTING TAXPAYERS MONEY WITH YOUR NONSENSICAL ADVERTS YOU SET OF MONEY WASTING CUNTS!!!!!!!"
[/rage]
Another T.V anger point was tuning into the show "Being N- Dubz". All I understood from it is that 3 talentless cunts somehow got a record deal, and then because they were from some slums, they earned their own t.v show.
Here's an idea Channel 4, save money for this show by just having 3 graphic photos of knobs on it, because let's face it, that gives us an even better insight as to what "Being N-Dubz" is like.
End of rage, hope you enjoyed it, ish
The worlds not a shite place, but pointless T.V makes it seem that way. CAW XX
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