Apathy Inc.

You know you've became lazy when you can barely be arsed to write a blog about the first voting system reform in your country in centuries. When one of the worlds most wanted men is left with a bullet in his head, and when your incestuous overlords welcome one more person into their warped entourage...

But alas, here we go, on another rant about three things that can always be argued froma cynics point of view...
So the U.Ks second voting referendum in its history comes along on Thursday, and I will be voting in my first ever election. I'm personally going to love how many/few councils the Liberal Democrats are left with after this. Welcome to political Siberia Nicky, you'll be here for a while...
The "no" campaign is a one of patronising garbage, with the mass British public seemingly taken for idiots who are unable to write down their preference for votes. I mean, I suppose it's udnerstandable isn't it. I mean, not everyone can pick their favourite candidates/political party out of a list and rank them accordingly. It's utter bollocks quite frankly. And unfortunately, due to the publics political apathy and a well funded campaign to ridicule the idea that our MP's must have a majority of support, chances are us Brits haven't took the time to work out how AV works, and has just accepted that it's complicated.
Oh, one more thing about AV, this poster really fucks me off.
So the country can't afford a new voting system, yet it can afford approximately 2 billion pounds to privatise (sorry, "reform") the National Health Service. Fuck off Cameron.
I'm voting yes on Thursday, because I actually value democracy.

Right, so Osama Bin Laden was killed in the early hours of the morning, which I thought was weird, as I'm sure they're not meant to take out Bins on a bank holiday (you can see where this section is going....) And so with all that, after 10 years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden.

In his house.

Although that does show you what Americans can truly do once they get off their Playstations for a bit.... although I suspect they have found him due to his details being retrieved from that hack. However I'm looking at this now with cynical shaded glasses.
The Pakistani government has a less than clean record, with terrorism rife in its society. Sorry, it's true. And for the worlds most wanted man to be living 35 miles outside their capital city, 100 metres away from a military base in a slightly conspicuous compound with 12 foot high walls, reeks of foul play. Although give these asians some credit. I suppose it's hard spotting a 6"5 arab man in a turban wandering round with military personnell. hmmm. Oh, and big up to Obama for finally using the information he's had SINCE AUGUST and using it just months before his campaign for re-election begins...

Thank God Bin Laden's dead though, I was getting sick of the royal wedding. Which links me onto my next topic, because 35 million pounds spent on a mans wedding that is only large due to birthright seems a trifle unfair on society. Although I am inclined to take back this statement if it has indeed brought more than that amount into the British economy, however, there will always be a moment from that wedding which will stay long in my heart.
Was it the elegant Kate Middleton walking down the aisle ?
Was it Prince Harry looking nervous as Williams best man ?
Or was it The Queen standing there with the "Yes, that's right fuckers, worship me !" As the crowds sung "God Save The Queen"?
No. It was this....
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you. The highlight of the Royal wedding !
I don't actually want to talk anymore about the Royal Wedding, as I am currently in awe of perfection. Pippa Middleton. On behalf of men everywhere. Thank you.

Right, I think I've ranted enough. I'm now off to try and beat Osamas record at hide and seek. Although Maddie has a few years head start on me :/
Let's do this shit. CAW

The Truth About Margaret Thatcher

***DISCLAIMER - THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN IN JEST, AND ONLY A FOOL WOULD TAKE WHAT WRITTEN AS TRUTH ***

Right. Here we go, the truth about the "Iron Lady" "Maggie the Milk Snatcher" or if you're from the North-East "Lucifer"
I shall now use my expert research and own totally unbiased opinion to gauge a judgement about the political enigma that is Mrs Margaret Thatcher.
In 1925, Margaret Hilda Roberts was born, but to who ? Alfred and Beatrice Roberts may well be on her birth certificate. But there is a little known fact as to her true heritage.
In 1923. The National Socialist Workers Party (NSDAP) were in turmoil after having a forced revolution in Munich. The leaders who were tried were imprisoned. Namely, one Adolf Hitler.
Adolf Hitler was released from prison on the 20th of December 1924. He wasted no time in reforming his old Nazi party. With renewed efforts on winning power via democracy.

He set about winning power in Germany, with the intent of establishing Germany as a world power. So to do this, he assembled like minded individuals with that same dream of fascism and the destruction of a true democracy.
He knew Britain would not agree with his views, so he began to form plots as to how to overthrow it, once he eventually took power in 1933. So he got his top secret scientists to create artificial human beings (the first ever recorded use of a test tube/designer baby) and bred them with his fascist ideals. The first and currently only successful humanoid subject (as Silvio Berlusconi was also part of this project, but went defective in these latter years)

And so Thatcher was born on October 13th, 6 months after Project "Weltanschauung" (world view) was deemed to have gotten off the ground.

Project MT was instigated over the space of 14 years, until the outbreak of World War II, during this time she was airdropped into Allied Territory of Finchley, where she stayed until winning her seat in the General Election of 1959, staying under the radar of the allies so as not to alert them of her true mission to bring down the government and establish the Nazi party's true aims.

After Adolf Hitler was defeated in 1945. Project MT did not know her full role in the destruction of democracy, as her mission statement's were not fully completed, therefore Project MT was unable to be fully completed. However she was able to implement some of the fuhrers ideologies during her time. Such as the glee she took in making children cry (withdrawal of milk) the shooting of innocent Argentinians (the sinking of the Belgrano) and the smashing of the voice of the working class (the unions. Miners strikes etc).

Project MT started to fail to function around 1990, where the Conservative party realised she was too extreme and appointed someone with the most dulcet voice known to man, to appease a rioting generation.

Project MT is currently suffering from a defective memory chip. Which impairs her everyday goings about and has resulted in high profile exaggerations of minor injuries such as a bruised arm and the flu.

Project MT will live on as she is a cyborg, and will only cease to function when the Nazi minister of Propaganda shuts her main circuit off.

So there we go, we've found the truth about Thatcher. And "where is all the proof?" I hear you ask.... Well, When Berlin was under seige towards the end of the war, with the Soviets attacking from the east, and the Brits and Americans attacking from the west, the Germans burnt top secret documents in Adolf Hitlers Berlin bunker, this included the locations of all participants of project Weltanschauung....





Dear god this has been fun. Please don't sue.

Fast Forward to 2012

Right, not much serious content here for this weeks blog. So let's make this blog a lovely little list. Something which wont be continuous rantings, more little things that annoy me, with no explanation given to justify them, if you want to know why I hate it. Message me on whatever format is easiest for you. You lazy bastards.

THINGS THAT IRRITATE ME

• Racists
• Ultra- Liberals
• Communists
• Fascists
• Anti-gay campaigners
• Pro-gay capaigners
• Pro-choice
• Pro- life
• Old people
• Babies
• Teenagers
• Adults
• Politicians
• People who are politically apathetic
• Activists
• White people
• Black people
• Asian people
• White people who think they're black people
• Loud people
• Quiet people
• Katie Price
• Slags who pretend to be prudey
• Prudey girls who pretend to be slags
• Skinny people saying they're fat
• Fat people saying they're skinny
• Skinny people being too skinny
• Fat people being too fat
• Smokers
• Posers
• Tramps
• Loud drunks
• Straight edge people
• Wastes of space
  
• Over achievers
• Never having any credit on my phone
• The 9th series of Scrubs
• Megan Fox getting all that surgery
• Pretty much everything in the world. Past present and future.
• Nu-metal
• Industrial
• Pop Punk
• Pop
• Justin FUCKING Bieber
• My exam grades
• The Disney Channel
• Manufactured music acts
• The X Factor
• Britains got retards
• Pete Wentz.
  

I'm aware that was a Doctor Cox-esque style rant. But truthfully I could not give a fuck.

CAW

Corporation day.

Well ladies and gents, I'm back. And over the last month I've changed in some aspects for the better, and in some aspects for the worst. I guess oly the opinions of my friends (the only opinions I actually care about) will allow me to see if the general change is better or worse than I was.

I've become even more cynical than I ever thought I could be. Even the cutest thing in the world now seems to irritate me to a horrific extent. Not least of all that one day of the year where couples around the UK celebrate the fact that somewhere in this vast earth, someone wants to be with them.

However that's not enough, you have to show this love via expensive gifts provided by our lovely corporations exploiting the need for consumerism across the country, from roses to chocolates to fucking stuffed animals, these all represent love. Somehow ?

If chocolate symbolises love, why hasn't Willy Wonka been on more dates than Russell Brand ?
If roses symbolise love, does that mean that love can be picked out of a huge bunch of potential candidates, with a good chance of you being hurt from picking that one, and it dying early through neglect and lack of adequate care ?
And if Teddy Bears symbolise love, why hasn't the Bear Factory been done in a police raid for effectively grooming children ?

I hate valentines day. I hate next to everything it stands for. But most of all I hate the fact people feel the need to take one specific day of the year to show someone they love them.

No, that's not what it's all about, you shouldn't NEED a fucking corporate holiday to show you love someone, you shouldn't HAVE to buy cliched gifts for a loved one, and you shouldn't feel obliged to spent an extortionate amount on a person who you like/love/ are in love with.

The fact that something like love, which was one of the few things I thought you couldn't put a price tag on, has now been reduced to a 10 pack of roses from Asda or a chocolate heart from M & S shows the fact that humanity, as a whole, are fucking idiotic consumerist sheep who are led to the cash abatoir by greedy bastards with "£'s" in their eyes. WAKE UP ANY REALISE WE DON'T NEED TO CELEBRATE A NEEDLESS HOLIDAY! We don't get a day off work for it, we don't gain serious benefit from it, so why waste your time on unessential shit ?

So I'll leave you with a motivational message. Fuck valentines day. Don't make plans with your loved one, be spontaneous. That is a lot more romantic than candlelit dinners. Those times when you surprise your partner with something are the best occasions in ANY relationship. Trust me.

Fuck it all.
CAW

Mind Eraser, No Chaser

Them Crooked Vultures. Rapidly becoming one of those bands I wished I went to see more of at Download. Regardless if Bullet were awesome.
Right, a few events in this weeks usual melancholy (I never know how to truly use that word)
Basically, Last week I got very, VERY drunk. Lots of jager, lots of Applesourz, depressing times were had. I have since quit boozing up. Which is always fun.
So apologies to anyone who had to listen to the dross I churned out last week in the forms of "99 problems" blame the alcohol.

Anyhoo, back to usual. In this weeks news, Kerry Katona has made an appearance as a star (and I use that term loosley) on Dancing on Ice. Which is ironic because she's been skating on thin ice for years !
I had a history exam the other day, and seriously debated labelling Joseph Stalins purges of Russia (which resulted in 20 million dead) as a "minor indiscretion"
I recieved another university offer in the form of Leeds Metropolitan University. Which has seriously made me think Leeds would be a great place to go to. Apart from the fact my hair is as curly as a sheep and I will be surrounded by a bunch of horny Yorkshiremen.
I gained another few followers on Tumblr, and because I will be publishing this on there (yes, I broke the rules, hunt me down and suck my dick) I have this small message to whoever may be reading this. RUN, RUN WHILE YOU CAN !!
In other worldwide news, Australia was hit by the worst floods in over a century. Ironic, seeing as every Australian was praying for rain during most of the current Ashes series (take that you convict bastards)
And David Cameron thought it would a good idea to come to the North East and promote the growth of the Private sector jobs (not many of which will be up here. Oh, and did I mention the public sector will be losing a lot of jobs too) Seriously "Dave" you're coming to the wrong place to preach about belt tightening, seeing as most people in town have their belts and pants around their ankles doing some local slapper against a wall. (It's my city, I'm allowed to call it)

Quick message to you Mackem Bastards out there - You couldn't even beat a depleted team that was assembled on a shoestring. How does it feel ??

I hope, a return to form was had by me this week. The world's looking up. Let's do this shit
CAW

99 problems

Blergh.
Not a real word. But by god it sums up my life right now.
At this moment in time, I can think of at least 4/5 serious problems, from a variety of backgrounds, all simultaneously being juggled around whilst I try to keep a smile on my fucking face.

Exams, friendship divisions, lack of sleep, college in general and of course the obvious one that doesn't really need explaining, least of all a little pokey 'ol blog.
I don't mean to sound so pathetic and bitchy, but I do.
2011 has already started where 2010 kicked off, with a mass of self loathing, a dollop of hatred, a sprinkling of heartbreak steadily roasted over the space of 5 weeks.

My wekeend blogs are usually ones of hatred and cynicism, and this one is no different, the only difference is that it's now aimed at myself. Ironic, that a mere 2 weeks ago I was laughing at another person suffering through the form of depression (regardless whether it was true or not) and for airing his dirty laundry in public.

Yet here I am, being a hypocritical cunt. Full of pettiness and anger. I feel screwed over, in every sense of the word.

To quote my tumblr. I will kill you all.

CAW

Growing On Me

The Darkness were undoubtedly one of my favourite bands of the last decade. I absolutely loved them. And now that I'm a bit older I can realise that a lot of their songs had alternate meanings
"I'm holding my own, give or take a tear or two" is about masturbation, after being broken up with
"You're really growing on me, or am I growing on you ?" A song (allegedly) about genital warts.

They were one of the few glam bands that I approved. Because they had a very odd selling point. Justin Hawkins had a rate good screech on him.
The blog title is somewhat relevant, and even more relevant now that "love is only a feeling" has came on (although I wont get sentimental now, that's not what my blogs are about)
It's relevant because of the fact that I've now realised that a few people are "growing on me" and that a few people are going the opposite way, due to circumstances outside my control.

It just reiterates the fact that if you fuck with my friends, I shall fuck with you. Several times worse.

Anyway, in the news this week a landlord is suspected of murdering his tennant (to be fair, the bitch should've kept up with her rent).
An area the size of Germany and France combined has flooded Australia (When first reading this I thought/hoped France had been flooded)
Australia lose in the cricket, and start complaining at the fact they haven't been kicking our arses for the first time in 25 years. Whinging convict bastards.

I hope this blog demonstrates the difficulty of writing when you have nothing to talk about, in the meantime, I'm away to Tesco for a cheese and tomato pizza, I've heard they're to die for.

Let's do this shit
CAW