Who the fuck can we believe in these days ?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Borderline Anorexic Blog of the Year - 2011

Hello, good evening and welcome to the first blog I've wrote in about 6 months. And I'll show you how my writing style has progressed to one of an eloquent academic...........Nah, like fuck ! I still curse, drink and offend like I've always done. And I can only hope that it is still appreciated by readers who've been observing one mans slow self destruction via social networking. In the meantime I'm going to have a bit of a rant about what went on this year. And the fact that I've went from a cynic to someone who appears to have given up finding the intelligence of the average human being, but I guess that's what Tumblr does to you, although that's a different story.

January
Was pretty much a blur for me, (And no, not related to alcohol) in that I literally couldn't give a fuck about went on. Tried researching it but it turns out the early months of a yearare about as interesting as an Brothel in a Convent. The Arab spring started with Tunisian market vendor Mohamed Bouazizi sending a statement that the people of the Arab worlds were no longer going to take repression, his statement - Setting himself on fire. In public.
Give a man a fire, he is warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.
Also, we saw Andy Carroll and Fernando Torres switch clubs for a combined 85 million pounds. Only for both moves to fail miserably. I haven't seen such a waste of money for two shit subs since I saw the Government decide to share our defenses with The French !

February
I lost my beautiful flowing locks, and decided to get something a bit more "employable" (Cue insults of selling out) Well yes that you, I did. And it's fucking brilliant, I went from this

To this

Good choice I think. Meanwhile in the rapidly escalating Arab spring the resignation of Hosni Mubarak in Cairo brought joy to the people when they found out he had walked................Like an Egyptian (I'm ashamed at myself for actually writing that). Also started playing rugby. So for a sport I've been playing for almost 12 months now I have.........2 starts. Can't wait for my 6 nations debut !


March - The Japanese Tsunami hit killing thousands, tearing infrastructure, devastating a country. But most importantly - giving me a few hours to kill on Sickipedia in college.The UN emergency council vote passed to bomb Libya, sorry, did I say bomb, I meant liberate. What the emergency council basically said was "Gadaffi, you're not allowed to drop bombs in the country you rule. Here ! We'll do it for you ! (I may be taking a few of these statements out of context.)

April Brought us the Royal Wedding. A coming together of our incestuous lizard family in human skin* and the "Commoner" who is so common her parents are self made millionaires and put each one of their kids through private school for the price of a quarter of a million. Each. That fact was actually tough to find because when I searched for "Middleton family assets" it came up with this

Now I've worked out. Pippa is a definite BFB (Better from behind) and Kate is definitely beautiful, but doesn't seem to have much of a figure. SO - if we could literally split the Middletons in half, vertically. So that we have Pippa's back half, and Kates middle half. We'd have a perfect woman. And theoretically one less middle class person in the world,
* (But I am implying it)

May the first brought about the death of the worlds most evil man with Bin Laden finally getting some form of retribution. However the fact that after 10 years, Billions of Dollars, thousands dead in terrorist attacks and unjustified invasions, they found Bin Laden. In his house. Who'd have thought it ?! May also saw the arrest of Ratko Mladić and the world rejoiced as an evil man was brought to justice for the first time in.......Oh. Shit.

Fuck all happened in June. I finished college. If you think I've missed anything important email it to me at Idontgiveafuck@anytimeofthe.day

July -The worlds 2nd artificial organ transplant was successfully performed. (The first being the successful insertion of a Big Blue fist up Nick Cleggs arsehole, I finally justified my existence as a brother by getting my sister tickets for Amy Winehouse. I felt like a fool when I realised she'd died........Even more so when I realised Amy Winehouse had too ! Anders Breivik shot up a camp in Norway killing dozens. But more importantly allowing Newspapers like The Daily Mail and Daily Express run headlines along the lines of " Oslo terrorist is an anti-Muslim extremist who posts lunatic right-wing nonsense on the Internet. " Can't help but feel a small tinge of irony.

August - was a busy month. Not for the Battle of Tripoli, nor is it for the 8th August UK Riots, or Demba Ba finally embarking on his first goal since Ramadan (although it's a close second) But my A Level results. Which allowed me to successfully plan the next 3 years of my life. Champion. Tripoli fell to the Rebels in a bloody civil war that had raged for 6 months. The U.K thought that it ought to show its support for the burning capital of Libya by creating.........A burning Capital of England ? There are far too many fucked up photos and videos that I can laugh at for me to post them. However you're all entitled to look for them. The phrase "shitting in your own nest" does spring to mind though

September - I moved Chester, and discovered the worst thing you can do to an 18 year old lad away from his girlfriend is give him a netbook, free unlimited wifi, and enough money to buy lots of toilet roll.

October - Steve Jobs died of liver failure, and proved that an Apple a day certainly doesnt keep the doctors away. Gaddaf was killed hiding in a tunnel leading to a sewer. 6 months after they were called "Sewer Rats" by Gadaffi for opposing him. Irony isn't wasted on him I see.... Well, it is now seeing as he isn't around to hear it anymore. And with that the "liberators" of Libya David Cameron, Barack Obama and Nikolas Sarkozy were all promised by the new rules that they would not be forgotten for their help (I'm just going to point out that Libya is rich in oil.)
"Spend a penny, gain a pound"
That's all I'm gonna say

November - In November we mourn the loss of three legends. A former inspiration to me, Gary Speed, a former inspiration to me Joe Frazier, and a current inspiration to me, Silvio Berlusconi left office after 17 years, although we shouldn't be surprised, he has shown that he doesn't do anything over 18 years at the best of times !

December - Socrates, another inspiration to me. Passed away, a sportsman who drank more than his fair share of alcohol, but showed up on the pitch and gave his all. We should all aspire to be him
Kim Jong Il died, showing that there is a chance of the existence of Team America. Although with the sudden heart attack in unexpectedly brings the curtain down on his Korea (see what I did there ;) ) and let Kim Jong Un, a man that barely looks like he could run a bath by himself let alone a country. He looks like the little special kid who is given a "special medal" at the end of sports day as compensation for being a squidgy faced retard. It looks like a pug. No features jutting out, a big jowely face, and the pain expression of someone who's just ran into a fucking wall !

All in all, another year of rants all covered now. Hopefully I'll return to full time blogging if people irritate me. Which let's face it, is more often than not. I'm debating deleting my tumblr, because it is full of faggots that flick their beans over whatever band has the latest hair straighteners or tattoos.
Till then. Stay classy.

A Right To Live ? A Right To Die - A look into the reform of assisted suicide/euthanasia in the last half-century

Following the 50^th anniversary of the decriminalisation of suicide, the theme of the premature ending of a human life by their hand still manages to cause an intense level of scrutiny and debate. The issue of euthanasia causes a great deal of controversy from both ends of the spectrum, supporting and opposing the issue. However has society moved forward in its understanding of human life and how it can be compromised in an instant and must be allowed to be up to the individual to decide whether they want to continue a “half-life” or not, or does it still possess the mentality that all life is precious and should always be appreciated, no matter what the individual suffers through? Should a human being give consent to be murdered?

Currently the defence of consent can be successfully raised for all Non fatal offences against the person, up to and including Assault Occasioning Actual Bodily Harm (ABH) found under section 47 of the Offences Against the Persons Act. However in recent years there has been the growing use of consent in a variety of situations which provide an exception, such as heavy contact sports such as boxing, social utility situations such as the T.V shows “Jackass” and “Dirty Sanchez” where Grievous Bodily Harm is regularly committed against between several human beings without being held criminally liable due to it providing entertainment to some. However there is yet to be, in this country, a successful use of the defence of consent for Murder.

Murder. By common law definition set out by Lord Coke in 1797, was stated as “the unlawful killing of a reasonable creature in being and under the Kings Peace with malice aforethought, express or implied”. So it is safe to assume that if another human being gives the other permission to kill them, it satisfies all the required elements of a murder, however there are cases over the years to challenge the word “unlawful” when the issue of consent is raised.

Back in 1969 the Courts stated in the case of Leach that a victim “could never consent to murder, no matter what the circumstances”. However given the circumstances of the case (The victim gave the defendant permission to crucify him on Hampstead Heath, fortunately the victim survived) it could be safe to assume the reason the wording of this ratio decidendi is so harsh. Under section 2(1) of the Suicide Act 1961, it is an offence to assist another in committing suicide. This is what was challenged in the case better known as “Pretty”. Diane Pretty - a motor neurone disease sufferer- applied to the courts for a judicial declaration that her husband would not be liable for murder should he help her commit suicide. The point of law which was attempted to be used for a judicial declaration was Article 2 of the European Convention ('right to life'). However it was refused under and the European Court of Human Rights stated that murder/assisted suicide would not be sanctioned under these circumstances, citing the reasons that article 2 was there to protect human life, and that assisted suicide would still amount to murder. The “right to life” article seemingly infringes on the right to end life. The irony is seemingly lost upon the court.

However there are situations when a person is killed following an act of another. Although it is not a positive act (i.e., the act of injecting excessive morphine, or crucifying in Leach) the act of omitting to do something, which causes a death, has been proven to be allowed under medical professionals, with medical professionals being able to withhold the right to resuscitate patients who show no signs of improving, and who are in a desperate state. These experts in their field know that it is right to allow the patient to cease their suffering, so they omit medical treatment and the patient dies. Yet they are not liable for prosecution. However, this may be due to the point posed in a few sentences previously; it is an omission which fully allows the patient to pass away, not a positive act. This could make the key difference in separating a murderer from an acquitted medical professional

As stated before, there are a large number of opposition groups to the concept of euthanasia, including religions opposition. Christians believe that all life and death is gods will, and that it will be completed at his choice. Not humans. Muslims, the second biggest religious denomination, are also against euthanasia and have the similar belief that their God, Allah, is the one to judge how long a person will live, and that suicide and euthanasia is forbidden as no-one should contemplate suicide because “Surely Allah is ever merciful to you.” : Qur'an 4:29. This covers the opinions of the largest two religious groups in the United Kingdom, so it appears that a religious opposition will be ever-present in a debate over the legality in consent to murder.

Even without religion circling the debate there will always be the question of “Would euthanasia devalue human life?” Clearly this argument has substance behind it as the possibility of legal killing would allow room for more people to end their lives, almost on a whim. Setting a precedent to society that if there is a problem in your life, it is easy and relatively painless to end it. Devaluing human life is something which can provoke an emotion from even the coldest of hearts, and to the “reasonable and sober man” (a key term when talking about objectiveness) they would not wish to see a human life go to waste due to a legal way to allow another to kill them.

Currently, in Europe only two countries have euthanasia legalised, Netherlands and Switzerland, the latter of which is home to the Dignitas clinic, which specialises in assisted suicides using medical professionals. Outside Europe, America has slowly started to demonstrate an understanding on the issue of euthanasia with the case of Baxter v. Montana of 2009, where it was decided that despite it not being a right for a physician to aid in suicide, there was nothing in the federal law which made physician-aided suicide against public policy. This, in combination with the U.S cases of Washington vs. Glucksberg and Gonzales vs. Oregon state that physician aid in suicide attempts is not illegal. So even in the conservative states of Montana and Oregon euthanasia is being decriminalised (although there are substantial requirements for the medication to be prescribed and administered), yet Europe are still slow on the uptake in its refusal for reform.

Euthanasia bills have been drafted and attempted to be passed through the Scottish parliament. Known as the “Assisted Dying Bill” was brought forward by a Parkinson’s disease suffering SMP (Margo McDonald) under the official title of "End of Life Assistance Bill". However the bill, under intense opposition from the largest denomination in Scotland (The Church of Scotland) it was defeated in parliament 85 votes to 16.

However in 2009 one of the largest steps towards decriminalising assisted suicide was made after a series of legal challenges by Miss Debbie Purdy, a Multiple Sclerosis sufferer (MS is a degenerative illness which eventually results in a loss of walking ability for most sufferers) where the law on assisted dying was clarified. Assisting someone to die is still illegal, and will be investigated by the police, however, The decision to prosecute will be based on the nature of the victim’s illness as well as other factors, and discretion will be used in their handling of the case.

To sum up, the law on euthanasia is slowly developing to give it a more lenient outlook on someone who is asking for the assistance in dying, consent is still not able to be used fully as a defence however advances in the law means that day may be nearer than most think. As for assisted suicide clinics here in Britain, there could possibly be a number of guidelines which must be followed, such as the prognosis for the patients wanting their lives to be ended rather than suffer the pain of a long, drawn out death, or allowing their own bodies to become their prisons. However due to the amount of religious opposition, and the fact Britain is not a secular country means that we are not likely to expect a UK branch of Dignitas anytime soon.

The law on suicide has made terrific developments in the last 50 years. Here’s to the next 50.

This Is Wank (or reasons why This Is War is the worst album I've ever had the displeasure of listening to.)

In my time of listening to music on a regular basis, I've found some moments which completely leave me speechless. For example Bullet for my Valentine's debut album "The Poison" Which ranks as one of my favourite albums of all time, the opening crunches of "Master of Puppets" is another. And another, is the entire album of 30 Seconds To Mars' "This Is War".

This

This time last year I had only heard the title track from the album and Kings and Queens. And oh how I wish to the invisible beard man that it'd stayed that way. Because I decided that, against my better judgement, to listen to this album.
Big. Mistake.
Aside from those two aforementioned tracks, I have had shits with more quality inside 3 minutes than a track from that album. I cannot understand what possessed Jared Leto to think that

• Monks chanting
• Harmonious crowd vocals on a studio record. Seriously, why ? Save it for the live album.
  
• Preaching about war on a rock record
• Excessive synths which would make Kraftwerk think "bloody hell that's a bit too much"

Were all good ideas ?
then I realise....
It's Jared Leto's ego.
Yes, the same ego which forces his band members to their own little sections on stage whilst he prances around (usually shirtless, causing all 16 year old fangirls who like their album because it "speaks the truth about the bad side of human nature" to climax the second he floats around stage like the jackass he is.
This is the same Jared Leto who directed a 13 minute video that told absolutely no story whatsoever, it was literally just a bunch of semi naked models, him in a coffin, and Kanye West rapping with a tiny bit of the song. Seriously, search "30stm hurricane".

I'm listening to this album again, to make sure that I'm not sensationalising anything I write, that I could've made it a bit worse in my head than what it actually was. But no, as I sit here listening to Stranger in A Strange Land, I can honestly say that, given the choice of justifying the quality of this albums songs, and justifying the Einsatzgruppen in the Warsaw Ghettos in the 1940's, I find myself drawn to Herr Himmler and his boys.

The video for "Closer to the Edge" has to be the most infuriating thing I have seen on this planet, I have actually broken a plastic cup that was in my hand due to the CHILD in the video saying "I wish that there was no such thing as fighting, that everyone could just, get along. But that's gonna happen, is it?" THEN SHE LOOKS AT THE CAMERA AS IF THAT SPEECH IS GOING TO STOP ALL THE WARS IN THE WORLD WITH A SIMPLE PATRONISING SCOLDING FROM A 13 YEAR OLD FUCKING CHILD!!!
Look love, as long as I have a hole in my arse, there will be wars. Shut the fuck up and deal with it. Fucking Miss World Candidate "oh, I just want world peace and an end to hunger"

As I find the rage spilling out of me like the blood out of Leto's face when he is hit with an axe in American psycho (strangely enough my favourite scene, who'd have guessed it eh ?) I realise that people will disagree with me, however, people are entitled to opinions, and who am i to argue with them (despite the fact that I will) and for my closing statement I will make a lovely generalisation that could be quite accurate.

This Is War is to Music, what the Holocaust was to Human Rights.

Thank you, goodnight, and listen to some real fucking music.
CAW

Eurotrash

That time of year is upon us again. The moments that will live on in our memories for about 2 weeks. Then they become another has been that degraded themselves upon an audience of millions.
Yes, Britains Got Talent is on our screens once again !
Just kidding, although that is about as much fun as a slow testicular dip into battery acid.
The times where the ol' Soviet Union vote for each other in the obligatory back patting/ don't bomb us please routine that we're now used to seeing.
I'm not actually watching it, as I'm far too busy listening to real music (Foo Fighters on BBC 3.) But I know how it'll go. Moldova, Ukraine, Belarus, Serbia etc will all give the maximum points to the old Soviet Union states. Because let's face it, that's where all the talented singers come from. Definitely not because they're all a set of corrupt bastards.

Sorry, I'm realising this is just money for old rope. This point of view isn't a particularly new one, it's been shared by the mass British public for about a decade now. However what hasn't been given too much of a cynical point of view is the superinjunctions which have been in the news lately.
***SPOILER ALERT***

It's allegedly (I actually have to put that word in due to me knowing law and which words will get me sued) RYAN GIGGS who's been knobbing Imogen Thomas, you know. This lass....

Aye, her. So it's apparently Ryan Giggs who's the devoted family man/ premier league star.
Who knows.
In other news when Osama Bin Ladens compound was raided they found porn videos which belonged to the former Al-Qaeda leader. Or, in other terms, he Sky+'d the Grand National (if you don't get that joke you shoud be shot whilst hiding behind your 20 year old wife...)
Don't really have much else to say. I'm too busy watching the God-like Genius that is Dave Grohl on BB3.

A quick question on religion

If Saint Peter was a miracle worker who ALLEGEDLY walked on water with Jesus. And who washed Jesus' feet, and who fought for Jesus as he was being arrested.

Why the fuck was he given the job of staying just outside of heaven for 2000 years (if you believe the bible) whilst undergoing the emotional trauma of rejecting people from the kingdom of heaven forever whilst never getting inside heaven itself.

No sick days, no days off due to him being the sole guardian of the pearly gates for 2. Thousand. Years

Him, forever alone. mere metres outside the kingdom of eternal happiness for 2 Milleniums. Watching everyone frolick and dance with joy as they spend eternity in bliss while he's sending people to damnation.

Where is your all forgiving benevolent beard man now ?

Apathy Inc.

You know you've became lazy when you can barely be arsed to write a blog about the first voting system reform in your country in centuries. When one of the worlds most wanted men is left with a bullet in his head, and when your incestuous overlords welcome one more person into their warped entourage...

But alas, here we go, on another rant about three things that can always be argued froma cynics point of view...
So the U.Ks second voting referendum in its history comes along on Thursday, and I will be voting in my first ever election. I'm personally going to love how many/few councils the Liberal Democrats are left with after this. Welcome to political Siberia Nicky, you'll be here for a while...
The "no" campaign is a one of patronising garbage, with the mass British public seemingly taken for idiots who are unable to write down their preference for votes. I mean, I suppose it's udnerstandable isn't it. I mean, not everyone can pick their favourite candidates/political party out of a list and rank them accordingly. It's utter bollocks quite frankly. And unfortunately, due to the publics political apathy and a well funded campaign to ridicule the idea that our MP's must have a majority of support, chances are us Brits haven't took the time to work out how AV works, and has just accepted that it's complicated.
Oh, one more thing about AV, this poster really fucks me off.
So the country can't afford a new voting system, yet it can afford approximately 2 billion pounds to privatise (sorry, "reform") the National Health Service. Fuck off Cameron.
I'm voting yes on Thursday, because I actually value democracy.

Right, so Osama Bin Laden was killed in the early hours of the morning, which I thought was weird, as I'm sure they're not meant to take out Bins on a bank holiday (you can see where this section is going....) And so with all that, after 10 years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden.

In his house.

Although that does show you what Americans can truly do once they get off their Playstations for a bit.... although I suspect they have found him due to his details being retrieved from that hack. However I'm looking at this now with cynical shaded glasses.
The Pakistani government has a less than clean record, with terrorism rife in its society. Sorry, it's true. And for the worlds most wanted man to be living 35 miles outside their capital city, 100 metres away from a military base in a slightly conspicuous compound with 12 foot high walls, reeks of foul play. Although give these asians some credit. I suppose it's hard spotting a 6"5 arab man in a turban wandering round with military personnell. hmmm. Oh, and big up to Obama for finally using the information he's had SINCE AUGUST and using it just months before his campaign for re-election begins...

Thank God Bin Laden's dead though, I was getting sick of the royal wedding. Which links me onto my next topic, because 35 million pounds spent on a mans wedding that is only large due to birthright seems a trifle unfair on society. Although I am inclined to take back this statement if it has indeed brought more than that amount into the British economy, however, there will always be a moment from that wedding which will stay long in my heart.
Was it the elegant Kate Middleton walking down the aisle ?
Was it Prince Harry looking nervous as Williams best man ?
Or was it The Queen standing there with the "Yes, that's right fuckers, worship me !" As the crowds sung "God Save The Queen"?
No. It was this....
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you. The highlight of the Royal wedding !
I don't actually want to talk anymore about the Royal Wedding, as I am currently in awe of perfection. Pippa Middleton. On behalf of men everywhere. Thank you.

Right, I think I've ranted enough. I'm now off to try and beat Osamas record at hide and seek. Although Maddie has a few years head start on me :/
Let's do this shit. CAW

The Truth About Margaret Thatcher

***DISCLAIMER - THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN IN JEST, AND ONLY A FOOL WOULD TAKE WHAT WRITTEN AS TRUTH ***

Right. Here we go, the truth about the "Iron Lady" "Maggie the Milk Snatcher" or if you're from the North-East "Lucifer"
I shall now use my expert research and own totally unbiased opinion to gauge a judgement about the political enigma that is Mrs Margaret Thatcher.
In 1925, Margaret Hilda Roberts was born, but to who ? Alfred and Beatrice Roberts may well be on her birth certificate. But there is a little known fact as to her true heritage.
In 1923. The National Socialist Workers Party (NSDAP) were in turmoil after having a forced revolution in Munich. The leaders who were tried were imprisoned. Namely, one Adolf Hitler.
Adolf Hitler was released from prison on the 20th of December 1924. He wasted no time in reforming his old Nazi party. With renewed efforts on winning power via democracy.

He set about winning power in Germany, with the intent of establishing Germany as a world power. So to do this, he assembled like minded individuals with that same dream of fascism and the destruction of a true democracy.
He knew Britain would not agree with his views, so he began to form plots as to how to overthrow it, once he eventually took power in 1933. So he got his top secret scientists to create artificial human beings (the first ever recorded use of a test tube/designer baby) and bred them with his fascist ideals. The first and currently only successful humanoid subject (as Silvio Berlusconi was also part of this project, but went defective in these latter years)

And so Thatcher was born on October 13th, 6 months after Project "Weltanschauung" (world view) was deemed to have gotten off the ground.

Project MT was instigated over the space of 14 years, until the outbreak of World War II, during this time she was airdropped into Allied Territory of Finchley, where she stayed until winning her seat in the General Election of 1959, staying under the radar of the allies so as not to alert them of her true mission to bring down the government and establish the Nazi party's true aims.

After Adolf Hitler was defeated in 1945. Project MT did not know her full role in the destruction of democracy, as her mission statement's were not fully completed, therefore Project MT was unable to be fully completed. However she was able to implement some of the fuhrers ideologies during her time. Such as the glee she took in making children cry (withdrawal of milk) the shooting of innocent Argentinians (the sinking of the Belgrano) and the smashing of the voice of the working class (the unions. Miners strikes etc).

Project MT started to fail to function around 1990, where the Conservative party realised she was too extreme and appointed someone with the most dulcet voice known to man, to appease a rioting generation.

Project MT is currently suffering from a defective memory chip. Which impairs her everyday goings about and has resulted in high profile exaggerations of minor injuries such as a bruised arm and the flu.

Project MT will live on as she is a cyborg, and will only cease to function when the Nazi minister of Propaganda shuts her main circuit off.

So there we go, we've found the truth about Thatcher. And "where is all the proof?" I hear you ask.... Well, When Berlin was under seige towards the end of the war, with the Soviets attacking from the east, and the Brits and Americans attacking from the west, the Germans burnt top secret documents in Adolf Hitlers Berlin bunker, this included the locations of all participants of project Weltanschauung....





Dear god this has been fun. Please don't sue.

Fast Forward to 2012

Right, not much serious content here for this weeks blog. So let's make this blog a lovely little list. Something which wont be continuous rantings, more little things that annoy me, with no explanation given to justify them, if you want to know why I hate it. Message me on whatever format is easiest for you. You lazy bastards.

THINGS THAT IRRITATE ME

• Racists
• Ultra- Liberals
• Communists
• Fascists
• Anti-gay campaigners
• Pro-gay capaigners
• Pro-choice
• Pro- life
• Old people
• Babies
• Teenagers
• Adults
• Politicians
• People who are politically apathetic
• Activists
• White people
• Black people
• Asian people
• White people who think they're black people
• Loud people
• Quiet people
• Katie Price
• Slags who pretend to be prudey
• Prudey girls who pretend to be slags
• Skinny people saying they're fat
• Fat people saying they're skinny
• Skinny people being too skinny
• Fat people being too fat
• Smokers
• Posers
• Tramps
• Loud drunks
• Straight edge people
• Wastes of space
  
• Over achievers
• Never having any credit on my phone
• The 9th series of Scrubs
• Megan Fox getting all that surgery
• Pretty much everything in the world. Past present and future.
• Nu-metal
• Industrial
• Pop Punk
• Pop
• Justin FUCKING Bieber
• My exam grades
• The Disney Channel
• Manufactured music acts
• The X Factor
• Britains got retards
• Pete Wentz.
  

I'm aware that was a Doctor Cox-esque style rant. But truthfully I could not give a fuck.

CAW

Corporation day.

Well ladies and gents, I'm back. And over the last month I've changed in some aspects for the better, and in some aspects for the worst. I guess oly the opinions of my friends (the only opinions I actually care about) will allow me to see if the general change is better or worse than I was.

I've become even more cynical than I ever thought I could be. Even the cutest thing in the world now seems to irritate me to a horrific extent. Not least of all that one day of the year where couples around the UK celebrate the fact that somewhere in this vast earth, someone wants to be with them.

However that's not enough, you have to show this love via expensive gifts provided by our lovely corporations exploiting the need for consumerism across the country, from roses to chocolates to fucking stuffed animals, these all represent love. Somehow ?

If chocolate symbolises love, why hasn't Willy Wonka been on more dates than Russell Brand ?
If roses symbolise love, does that mean that love can be picked out of a huge bunch of potential candidates, with a good chance of you being hurt from picking that one, and it dying early through neglect and lack of adequate care ?
And if Teddy Bears symbolise love, why hasn't the Bear Factory been done in a police raid for effectively grooming children ?

I hate valentines day. I hate next to everything it stands for. But most of all I hate the fact people feel the need to take one specific day of the year to show someone they love them.

No, that's not what it's all about, you shouldn't NEED a fucking corporate holiday to show you love someone, you shouldn't HAVE to buy cliched gifts for a loved one, and you shouldn't feel obliged to spent an extortionate amount on a person who you like/love/ are in love with.

The fact that something like love, which was one of the few things I thought you couldn't put a price tag on, has now been reduced to a 10 pack of roses from Asda or a chocolate heart from M & S shows the fact that humanity, as a whole, are fucking idiotic consumerist sheep who are led to the cash abatoir by greedy bastards with "£'s" in their eyes. WAKE UP ANY REALISE WE DON'T NEED TO CELEBRATE A NEEDLESS HOLIDAY! We don't get a day off work for it, we don't gain serious benefit from it, so why waste your time on unessential shit ?

So I'll leave you with a motivational message. Fuck valentines day. Don't make plans with your loved one, be spontaneous. That is a lot more romantic than candlelit dinners. Those times when you surprise your partner with something are the best occasions in ANY relationship. Trust me.

Fuck it all.
CAW

Mind Eraser, No Chaser

Them Crooked Vultures. Rapidly becoming one of those bands I wished I went to see more of at Download. Regardless if Bullet were awesome.
Right, a few events in this weeks usual melancholy (I never know how to truly use that word)
Basically, Last week I got very, VERY drunk. Lots of jager, lots of Applesourz, depressing times were had. I have since quit boozing up. Which is always fun.
So apologies to anyone who had to listen to the dross I churned out last week in the forms of "99 problems" blame the alcohol.

Anyhoo, back to usual. In this weeks news, Kerry Katona has made an appearance as a star (and I use that term loosley) on Dancing on Ice. Which is ironic because she's been skating on thin ice for years !
I had a history exam the other day, and seriously debated labelling Joseph Stalins purges of Russia (which resulted in 20 million dead) as a "minor indiscretion"
I recieved another university offer in the form of Leeds Metropolitan University. Which has seriously made me think Leeds would be a great place to go to. Apart from the fact my hair is as curly as a sheep and I will be surrounded by a bunch of horny Yorkshiremen.
I gained another few followers on Tumblr, and because I will be publishing this on there (yes, I broke the rules, hunt me down and suck my dick) I have this small message to whoever may be reading this. RUN, RUN WHILE YOU CAN !!
In other worldwide news, Australia was hit by the worst floods in over a century. Ironic, seeing as every Australian was praying for rain during most of the current Ashes series (take that you convict bastards)
And David Cameron thought it would a good idea to come to the North East and promote the growth of the Private sector jobs (not many of which will be up here. Oh, and did I mention the public sector will be losing a lot of jobs too) Seriously "Dave" you're coming to the wrong place to preach about belt tightening, seeing as most people in town have their belts and pants around their ankles doing some local slapper against a wall. (It's my city, I'm allowed to call it)

Quick message to you Mackem Bastards out there - You couldn't even beat a depleted team that was assembled on a shoestring. How does it feel ??

I hope, a return to form was had by me this week. The world's looking up. Let's do this shit
CAW

99 problems

Blergh.
Not a real word. But by god it sums up my life right now.
At this moment in time, I can think of at least 4/5 serious problems, from a variety of backgrounds, all simultaneously being juggled around whilst I try to keep a smile on my fucking face.

Exams, friendship divisions, lack of sleep, college in general and of course the obvious one that doesn't really need explaining, least of all a little pokey 'ol blog.
I don't mean to sound so pathetic and bitchy, but I do.
2011 has already started where 2010 kicked off, with a mass of self loathing, a dollop of hatred, a sprinkling of heartbreak steadily roasted over the space of 5 weeks.

My wekeend blogs are usually ones of hatred and cynicism, and this one is no different, the only difference is that it's now aimed at myself. Ironic, that a mere 2 weeks ago I was laughing at another person suffering through the form of depression (regardless whether it was true or not) and for airing his dirty laundry in public.

Yet here I am, being a hypocritical cunt. Full of pettiness and anger. I feel screwed over, in every sense of the word.

To quote my tumblr. I will kill you all.

CAW

Growing On Me

The Darkness were undoubtedly one of my favourite bands of the last decade. I absolutely loved them. And now that I'm a bit older I can realise that a lot of their songs had alternate meanings
"I'm holding my own, give or take a tear or two" is about masturbation, after being broken up with
"You're really growing on me, or am I growing on you ?" A song (allegedly) about genital warts.

They were one of the few glam bands that I approved. Because they had a very odd selling point. Justin Hawkins had a rate good screech on him.
The blog title is somewhat relevant, and even more relevant now that "love is only a feeling" has came on (although I wont get sentimental now, that's not what my blogs are about)
It's relevant because of the fact that I've now realised that a few people are "growing on me" and that a few people are going the opposite way, due to circumstances outside my control.

It just reiterates the fact that if you fuck with my friends, I shall fuck with you. Several times worse.

Anyway, in the news this week a landlord is suspected of murdering his tennant (to be fair, the bitch should've kept up with her rent).
An area the size of Germany and France combined has flooded Australia (When first reading this I thought/hoped France had been flooded)
Australia lose in the cricket, and start complaining at the fact they haven't been kicking our arses for the first time in 25 years. Whinging convict bastards.

I hope this blog demonstrates the difficulty of writing when you have nothing to talk about, in the meantime, I'm away to Tesco for a cheese and tomato pizza, I've heard they're to die for.

Let's do this shit
CAW

Big Fat Blog Of The Year - 2010

Truth be told, I have no idea why I'm writing this. I mean, most people will be on their xboxes/ps3's playing games they've gotten from a fat, bearded, closet paedophile (I'm referring to their uncles, as santa does not exist).
So why write this blog ? I mean, Channel 4 has already cornered the market with cynical works, such as Frankie Boyle and Charlie Brooker (I think that's his name) so why am I writing a blog which will basically be on tv in a matter of days, when it's much easier to access it ?

The answer, of course, is boredom. So fuck it, settle down, buckle up, and enjoy a years worth of recycled jokes courtesy of yours truly.

January was a bit of a blur to me, all I remember was the Haiti earthquake which to be fair, wasn't too funny in itself, what was funny however, was Wyclef Jean thinking he can bring the country out of poverty as he ran for the office of Prime Minister, you can just imagine it can't you,

"Wyclef, what makes you think you are best suited to the job of Prime Minister, what seperates you from the rest of the pack?"
"Well Breddren, I can lay down a smooooth ass melody to calm the masses, tell them that everytin' is going to be allllright"
"What about the countries situation, our infrastructure has all but collapsed, and anarchy is on the streets of Port au Prince?"
"...errm, we lay down some sweet ass melodies to calm de masses"

Needless to say, he was ruled out of the running, because he fucked off from that country and didn't return until Haiti was in the news, coincidence much ?

February saw some bloke die during the winter olympics.
A small man? lying down on a tea tray ? going at up to speeds of 60mph ? What could possibly go wrong ?
Fucking idiots.

March - boring in terms of world news, however, I somehow managed to snare/ attract a blind girl into going into a relationship with me. Good times. Oh, and I saw Trivium, a band who's fade into mediocrity started when Matt Heafy thought he would embrace his Japanese heritage that bit too much. No one gives a fuck where you're from Matt, go back to writing stuff like "Pull harder...." (No, that's not a sex joke non-metal fags)

April - Nothing much to report, I finally won the Grand National. All those years of backing Tony McCoy finally paid off, and I was richer to the tune of £25. For those who don't know, the Grand National is basically a very long race, in which Irish midgets try to jump over hedges. On horses. We don't know why, but it seems to please the British public. The midgets are of course, paid in POTATOES!
April also saw the introduction of the P Factor, where they reduced the job of prime minister to the equivalent of a talent contest, with televised T.V debates from all three of the main party leaders ending up in a public vote for who they think won that debate. Personally, people should go out and look for information on politics, not have it shovelled through their T.Vs. But I'm old fashioned like that.

May - Conservatives got into power. Don't want to talk about it.

June - The world cup started, I went to Wembley, I saw AC/DC, and I got made a sammich by my girlfriend. It was a good month....UNTIL, Frank Lampards disallowed goal in the world cup hammering by Ze Germans sent us all back to our stiff upper lip mentality, forcing the blame on everyone apart from the players who frankly, were just shit. Still, we won the ones that counted didn't we ? ;) (That's a world war 1 & 2 joke for those who didn't get it)
Oh, and one last thing, at Download Festival, where I saw AC/DC, there was something very unwholesome about a geriatric pensioner stripping down to his underwear whilst playing an unecessary 20 minute guitar solo whilst the other main gadgie encourages barely legal girls to get their tits out. Wrong, even by my standards...."Did someone say barely legal?"

July - Roaul Moat is a message to all the gingers out there. We will find you, and we will make it look like suicide.
Spain won the world cup final, with the British media making a huge fuss that an Englishman would actually be in the WC final, despite him being a referee, and despite every fan in that stadium hating him due to the fact that the Dutch were a set of dirty bastards and bookings were coming out left right and centre, although big up to Nigel De Jong for his excellent Kung Fu kick

"Wax on, wax off, pick up Yellow card, break Frenchmans leg in future."

August - A level results, resulting the the biggest set of arse clenching for 18 year olds and under since Gary Glitter announced his world tour. Other than that, fuck all happened that you guys are actually interested in. Other than my holiday to lanzarote, which resulted in me coming back with an arsenal of jokes which helped me produce what I consider to be my best work as a blogger, look for it in my history, it's entitled "Christopher Walkens speech in Pulp Fiction" and is undoubtedly going to be used as evidence for when someone claims I am medically insane.

September saw the mass influx of AS level students back into Newcastle college, it also made me realise what a set of annoying little shits we were last year, only thinking we can fit 10 in a lift, blocking up the corridors, and generally being knobjockeys, whilst being blissfully ignorant to the contempt whic the A2's hold for you. Which trust me, DOES exist.

October was my 18th birthday, and what followed was one of the best nights of my life, I was presented with a 3rd generation watch which had been kept in my family for 15 years awaiting my 18th (manly tears were shed that night, I assure you) and my 18th birthday party was a small party, but was held in the best of company, excuse me for a moment as I will deviate from my usual cynicism to tell you that I may slag my friends off rotten for being annoying bastards, because, well, they are. But if anyone tries to insult them in my presence, be prepared to choke on my fist......Up your your arse. Seriously, from the speech i gave whilst half cut, to the hokey cokey of death which ended up with a 6"4 friend of mine being kicked in the face, that night was brilliant from start to finish.

November however, wasn't as fun. In a month which saw the Lib Dems popularity go down like Jodie Marsh on the first date, we saw the potential outbreak of what may still yet escalate into WW3, with North Korea shelling a South Korean island. Shit got ugly. How ugly you may ask ?? Well, this ugly ....

What a fat little fucker he is.

December - Started off badly (me and Catherine split up) and it slowly got better, topping it all off with Christmas day spent with my family, laughing at miming "stars" on Christmas Top of the Pops. England raped the Aussies in the cricket, and Simon Cowell signed up a manufacture boy band to his label, honestly, the only way he could exploit children more is by opening a sweatshop.

2010 has been an amazing year for me. If someone told me this time last year that I was going to fall in love, get an A in an A level exam, find a place where I belong, mature and regress in the same year, I wouldn't believe them.
2011 is looking good already, a lot of friendships in placefor the future, University on the cards, and tickets to blink 182 and Iron Maiden.
Honestly, the only way this will get better will be by punching the very cunt who tried to sell out my best friend to save his cowardly hide.
Happy New Year guys, let's do this shit.
CAW

The Conservative Party Want To Bring Back Slavery

Not really. But now I've drawn you in with a catchy title, maybe you'd be so beautiful as to read my EPQ and give me feedback, because I literally cannot be arsed to do anything else tonight.
This is my first piece of informed political writing. Instead of spouting my usual left wing propaganda, I've decided to actually read the facts, and present them to you in the best way I can.
It's about 1000 words, so if you take the time to read this, thank you.

Assess the impact of the coalition Governments spending cuts on UK society and economy.

On the 20^th October 2010, the newly appointed Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne laid out what he intends to be “Britain’s path to economic stability” in his coalition government’s comprehensive spending review he set out to cut excessive public spending whilst raising taxes, with the aim of reducing Great Britain’s current budget deficit of 64.5% of Gross Domestic Product (GDP) which was valued at £955.0 billion on the 10^th of October. These cuts are viewed from the Chancellor as “necessary” whilst the shadow Chancellor Alan Johnson describes them as “draconian and born out of conservative ideology.” During this essay I will attempt to discover the true reasons to the government’s cuts in almost every walk of life, the impact it will have on the UK society, the impact it will have on the UK economy, and the roles of those involved in the CSR, from the masterminds to the frontline opposers, and everyone in between.

Contents of the Comprehensive Spending Review

The contents of George Osborne’s comprehensive spending review can be found on the HMRC website. However since it is 128 pages long, I shall attempt to condense it into as few lines as possible, whilst still explaining what shall be hit, where it shall be hit, and how hard it shall be hit.

• £81bn cut from public spending over four years
• 19% average departmental cuts - less than the 25% expected
• £7bn extra welfare cuts, including changes to incapacity, housing benefit and tax credits
• £3.5bn increase in public sector pension employee contributions
• Rise in state pension age brought forward
• 7% cut for local councils from April next year
• Permanent bank levy – George Osborne expects this to raise £2.5 billion a year
• Rail fares to rise 3% above inflation from 2012
• Police funding to be cut by 4%
• Retirement age to rise to 66 by the year 2020
• Up to half a million public sector jobs to be made redundant.

Source – BBC news.

Alan Johnson, the shadow chancellor of Ed Miliband’s new Labour party was quick to attack this proposal. He instantly noticed that the CSR was not backed by the any of the other nations of the UK. George Osborne stated that it was because of the mistakes of the previous labour government that caused the comprehensive spending review to be made. The average cuts in each department were 19%, which was –as stated previously- less than expected. However there are some anomalies in this budget, things that contradict typical conservative ideology. Such as the 14% cut with the Royal Family’s annual spending, with the conservative party generally being a large supporter of the monarchy. The hard hit to the middle classes with the scrapping of child benefits for those with a member of the family earning over £44,000 per annum. However this plan has been attacked due to its apparent unfairness, with families where both parents earn £40,000 a year will still be entitled to the child benefits, according to Osborne’s plans. Other sides of the spending review which contradicts conservative beliefs is the increase in foreign aid which will be distributed. This is increasing by 34% percent. This can also be seen as a differentiation from typical conservative beliefs, that in a time of financial prudency and “belt tightening” the conservative party will increase aid for a country other than ones in the United Kingdom. The donations will rise from £6.3 billion to £9.4 billion. This is able to counter Alan Johnsons claim that the CSR is done through conservative ideology, however further research shows that there is depth to his claims. Using the IFS (which is a body independent of the government used to assess the monetary implications of budgets, etc) it shows that the governments spending review will actually be extremely lenient on middle and upper class families. This is something which is a conservative belief. The protection of higher income families. The lenience on higher income earners inevitably that George Osborne’s “fairer budget for a fairer Britain” hits low income families the hardest. To show this, I shall use a graph created by James Browne, an economist for the IFS.

This shows that George Osborne’s plans to make “everyone tighten their belts together” is fundamentally true in and up to the years 2012/13. With the white line (which represents the reduction of disposable income) staying at a consistent level from IDG 2 all the way to 8. It also shows the previous labour governments plans to reduce the deficit by taxing the rich at a high extent. However this is a new government in charge, with different ideals. Therefore the taxes on the richest group were scrapped, in favour of a conservative viewpoint for tax and benefits, and after the first two years, the percentage decrease in benefit and taxes does not seem too severe.

However after the first two years of stability we are shown a rather startling figure…

What this shows is that the poorest families will lose the same amount (in £’s) income as people in grade 9 of the income decile group. The line in this graph shows that, as a percentage, the poorest stand to lose a significant portion of their income in comparison to the income of other pay groups. Notice the white line which continues to rise until you hit the richest people in the United Kingdom. This shows that the higher the grade of income you receive, the more leniencies will be shown on your tax and benefit measures by the years 2014/15

That's it for now. Thank you for being arsed to read your way through this. The next installment shall be written for next weeks blog.
CAW