Saturday, 14 May 2011

Eurotrash



That time of year is upon us again. The moments that will live on in our memories for about 2 weeks. Then they become another has been that degraded themselves upon an audience of millions.
Yes, Britains Got Talent is on our screens once again !
Just kidding, although that is about as much fun as a slow testicular dip into battery acid.
The times where the ol' Soviet Union vote for each other in the obligatory back patting/ don't bomb us please routine that we're now used to seeing.
I'm not actually watching it, as I'm far too busy listening to real music (Foo Fighters on BBC 3.) But I know how it'll go. Moldova, Ukraine, Belarus, Serbia etc will all give the maximum points to the old Soviet Union states. Because let's face it, that's where all the talented singers come from. Definitely not because they're all a set of corrupt bastards.

Sorry, I'm realising this is just money for old rope. This point of view isn't a particularly new one, it's been shared by the mass British public for about a decade now. However what hasn't been given too much of a cynical point of view is the superinjunctions which have been in the news lately.
***SPOILER ALERT***

It's allegedly (I actually have to put that word in due to me knowing law and which words will get me sued) RYAN GIGGS who's been knobbing Imogen Thomas, you know. This lass....

Aye, her. So it's apparently Ryan Giggs who's the devoted family man/ premier league star.
Who knows.
In other news when Osama Bin Ladens compound was raided they found porn videos which belonged to the former Al-Qaeda leader. Or, in other terms, he Sky+'d the Grand National (if you don't get that joke you shoud be shot whilst hiding behind your 20 year old wife...)
Don't really have much else to say. I'm too busy watching the God-like Genius that is Dave Grohl on BB3.

Saturday, 7 May 2011

A quick question on religion

If Saint Peter was a miracle worker who ALLEGEDLY walked on water with Jesus. And who washed Jesus' feet, and who fought for Jesus as he was being arrested.

Why the fuck was he given the job of staying just outside of heaven for 2000 years (if you believe the bible) whilst undergoing the emotional trauma of rejecting people from the kingdom of heaven forever whilst never getting inside heaven itself.

No sick days, no days off due to him being the sole guardian of the pearly gates for 2. Thousand. Years


Him, forever alone. mere metres outside the kingdom of eternal happiness for 2 Milleniums. Watching everyone frolick and dance with joy as they spend eternity in bliss while he's sending people to damnation.

Where is your all forgiving benevolent beard man now ?

Monday, 2 May 2011

Apathy Inc.

You know you've became lazy when you can barely be arsed to write a blog about the first voting system reform in your country in centuries. When one of the worlds most wanted men is left with a bullet in his head, and when your incestuous overlords welcome one more person into their warped entourage...

But alas, here we go, on another rant about three things that can always be argued froma cynics point of view...
So the U.Ks second voting referendum in its history comes along on Thursday, and I will be voting in my first ever election. I'm personally going to love how many/few councils the Liberal Democrats are left with after this. Welcome to political Siberia Nicky, you'll be here for a while...
The "no" campaign is a one of patronising garbage, with the mass British public seemingly taken for idiots who are unable to write down their preference for votes. I mean, I suppose it's udnerstandable isn't it. I mean, not everyone can pick their favourite candidates/political party out of a list and rank them accordingly. It's utter bollocks quite frankly. And unfortunately, due to the publics political apathy and a well funded campaign to ridicule the idea that our MP's must have a majority of support, chances are us Brits haven't took the time to work out how AV works, and has just accepted that it's complicated.
Oh, one more thing about AV, this poster really fucks me off.
So the country can't afford a new voting system, yet it can afford approximately 2 billion pounds to privatise (sorry, "reform") the National Health Service. Fuck off Cameron.
I'm voting yes on Thursday, because I actually value democracy.

Right, so Osama Bin Laden was killed in the early hours of the morning, which I thought was weird, as I'm sure they're not meant to take out Bins on a bank holiday (you can see where this section is going....) And so with all that, after 10 years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden.

In his house.


Although that does show you what Americans can truly do once they get off their Playstations for a bit.... although I suspect they have found him due to his details being retrieved from that hack. However I'm looking at this now with cynical shaded glasses.
The Pakistani government has a less than clean record, with terrorism rife in its society. Sorry, it's true. And for the worlds most wanted man to be living 35 miles outside their capital city, 100 metres away from a military base in a slightly conspicuous compound with 12 foot high walls, reeks of foul play. Although give these asians some credit. I suppose it's hard spotting a 6"5 arab man in a turban wandering round with military personnell. hmmm. Oh, and big up to Obama for finally using the information he's had SINCE AUGUST and using it just months before his campaign for re-election begins...

Thank God Bin Laden's dead though, I was getting sick of the royal wedding. Which links me onto my next topic, because 35 million pounds spent on a mans wedding that is only large due to birthright seems a trifle unfair on society. Although I am inclined to take back this statement if it has indeed brought more than that amount into the British economy, however, there will always be a moment from that wedding which will stay long in my heart.
Was it the elegant Kate Middleton walking down the aisle ?
Was it Prince Harry looking nervous as Williams best man ?
Or was it The Queen standing there with the "Yes, that's right fuckers, worship me !" As the crowds sung "God Save The Queen"?
No. It was this....
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you. The highlight of the Royal wedding !
I don't actually want to talk anymore about the Royal Wedding, as I am currently in awe of perfection. Pippa Middleton. On behalf of men everywhere. Thank you.

Right, I think I've ranted enough. I'm now off to try and beat Osamas record at hide and seek. Although Maddie has a few years head start on me :/
Let's do this shit. CAW