Know Your Enemy

"Do you know the enemy ? Do you know your enemy ? Well gotta know the enemy wahey"

Fuck it, I'm not going to bore you with details, I'll just head straight into what's boiled my piss this week. Politics, Tourists and southerners, and musical opinion.

Politics to start off with, and with The Conservative - Liberal Democrats coalition (now being named Con-Dem) now into it's second month of government, a lot of people were wondering what will be in the Chancellors budget. Well basically, the spongers get less benefits and private businesses get tax breaks. Same Tories, different decade.
Nick and "Dave" walked into Downing Street, and had a message for all the working classesInside Downing street Nick and Dave worked out how best to run the country, over tea, caviar, and the obligatory Conservative initiation ceremony known as "Felching". After this they decided to let Davids old Eton chum Osbourne a chance to have some fun and give him a chance to fist the commoners.
Upper Class Bum Boy wankers. This has been confirmed by my source inside Downing Street where it was reported that for every £1 The Conservatives increase in taxes, another £4 will be put into the male prostitution business. ( This source however needs to be verified, due to my sources' last bit of leaked information linking Lionel Messi with a multi pound move to Blyth Spartans)
I watched George Osbourne give the emegency budget today, and my hatred of him still hasn't diminished. Because to me, George Osbourne epitomises the Conservative party of today. What I mean is,his real name is Gideon.
Yes, you heard right, Gideon Osbourne, who changed his name so he would be seen as more approachable (or so he wouldn't get his head stoved in at Eton) Much like David Camerons "Just call me Dave" ploy.
After giving the emergency budget, George Osbourne went to a press conference, when asked what he thought about the working classes Gideon was quoted as saying this ;
Again, my source needs verification. (and google serf, because that photo is very funny. )

Went to London to see Green Day a few days ago (hence the title of this blog) and whilst the gig was as epic as I thought it would be, and more. London provided a stark contrast to what people think of it.
It's shit. I personally think this because it is made up of three of my least favourite groups of people :

• Southerners
• Americans
• And the French

The latter two being tourists
My reasons of destesting these groups of people are this.
Southerners - they are shandy drinking, wife beating soft bastards who can't take a bit of cold and who's world ends when a few inches of snow shows it's face (proven by the snow of early '10)

Americans - Fat, Stupid, Cunts, divided into two categories
The Redneck types - the KKK suporting, Coors light drinking,incest loving fuckers.
And the Civilised ones - However these are just as bad, as their lifestyle is one of suing everyone should they do something slightly wrong, like botch a vasectomy or sow their surgical gown to the patients anus.

Which leads me to my next bit about America - the BP oil spill, personally, whilst I think that it was British fault for this happening, it was as a direct consequence of the American Capitalist nature wanting more and more oil, but didn't want to invade another country for it, so it drove the oil rig to destruction.
However, the cynical side of my suggest that the U.S.A Government may have fixed the destruction of their property and arranged the deaths of some of their own people in exchange to salvage some oil from a organisation that wasn't theirs.
Much like they did with 9/11.
The French. A friend of mine once said about France "How could one country get it so right, but so wrong?"
After much deliberation I have decided that he is right.
I've thought about it for some time, and made a list about what I think he's referring to :

• French Society - It is a secular society, and removes all religious prejudices. However it is also a volatile society with riots taking place most of the time, and leaves Paris exactly how it was in the early 1940'2. In flames
  
• French Football - for every success of the team (such as the 98 & 06 World Cup) You will have the heartless surrenders of 02 and more recently, 2010.
• French Food - For every glorious pastry you will have cheese that tastes like it's came from Jacque Chiracs Bell End. And legs,'nuff said.
• French Language - French is the language of love, and I love hearing french women speak in it, however, when men speak there is a certain....let's call it "cuntishness" about the way they talk.
• French women - Beautiful, but don't shave. Anywhere.
• French passion - Apparently they're passionate, however I only see them as spineless surrender monkeys.
  

And finally, I was watching Scuzzs' top 40 21st century acts, Machine Head were top (fair enough) Second however, was Bring Me The Horizon.
Words can't really express just how much Scuzz disappointed me in this. But anyone with a vague knowledge in music will know that a bad fronted by a golden shower loving tattooed from head to toe girl is not the 2nd best band in the 21st century.

Rant over, hope you enjoyed this weeks, I actually made an effort and wrote some of my own jokes for this blog, rather than calling everyone cunts and raiding Sickipedia.
The world's not a shit place, it's just Gideon and tourists make it seem that way. CAW XX

Adieu

And that's the end of it.
No, not my blogs, sorry to dissapoint you all but they'll continue until I either A - Die, or B - find loving and eternal happiness with my fellow man.
So the more likely outcome is option A.
The "end " to which I'm referring to is the end of the college year for me
You may think, that whilst the worlds greatest sporting event is on, I'd find it hard to be hateful
You may also think, that after seeing AC/DC, crowdsurfing to Bullet For My Valentine and A Day To Remember, I would find no reason to show resentment to the world.
And you may finally think that given the fact I'm seeing Green Day in 6 days time, the future looks bright.

Well, on all accounts, you'd be wrong.

Let's face it, the world is still a pretty contemptuous place, with the main venom this week being attracted towards pensioners, and "The end"
Pensioners first. Some of them are great, in fact, there is a lot of good about pensioners. However, the ones who annoy me are the ones that think because their balls/tits go past their knees, the world should treat them differently
NO PENSIONERS!!!
You will be treat with the same way I treat every other human being. With contempt.
And if that pisses you off because "Young people today have no respect for their elders" you are probably wrong, because young people do have respect for their elders in the same way they respect other people. Earn it to get it.
You do not earn respect by being openly racist on public transport, and by pushing in the queue in greggs, and by showing the basic human decency of letting someone through in a queue in first freeze when all they have is a can of pop and the pensioner has an entire weeks worth of shopping, subsequently making them late to his lesson
Old people should be smothered as soon as they become one of "those" type of pensioners, aka the complaining ones who are just frankly rude to other people.



On a just as depressing note, my exams finished the other day, and whilst that in itself was a happy note, it made me think about most of the people who I won't see through the holidays. Bad times. Especially when a lot of the friends I've made at college are absolutely top drawer.
It takes me back to my last year at Blyth Community College. I made some of the most influential friends I ever thought possible, friends who brought me out my shell, friends who turned me into the horrically offensive excuse for a human being I am now. And friends who I've left behind.
And friends who I haven't seen, in some cases, in a year. Now this is pretty shit for me, seeing as how I consider them pretty big influences in my personality.
And now the same will be for my college mates, only not as big of a gap. This, will suck more than Jodie Marsh on a first date. Coupled with the fact I will inevitably drop a subject where I have really good mates in.
The whole point of the blog is to say that the things in life which are (to me, this week) fucking shit, are pensioners and bidding adieu to people.
To end this blog, I'm not going to use my usual phrase. I'll end it with this.
I may slag BCC off, but I spent 3 years of my life there, and will always miss most of the friends I made there, whether they hate me these days or not.
CAW XX
P.s - Rob Green would still be my number 1, every keeper makes mistakes. And if I hear a vuvuzela in Blyth I will find the owner, bend him over a bench, pull his pants down and stick that fecking trumpet up his arse, and let his farts blow the bastarding thing next time.

Labyrinth

Well, it looks like the end is nigh for our friends here.
He's finding it hard to keep his head, especially with that girl screaming in his ear
We've gotta ask ourselves, do they deserve this ?
It's a minute to make your mind up o clock, speak now or forever hold your peace.


Speak now or forever hold your peace.
Used generally at weddings, although in this blog, the usage of the phrase will be about holding your tongue and bitching.


We'll start off with something I know I wanted t talk about, then hopefully the hatred and resentment for society will spill out of me like blood from an ebola victim.
Formsprings - I can understand the initial attraction of wanting one, anonymity means that people will not be scared of the reprecussions of saying "I would do unspeakable things to you" meaning the writer of the statement would not be embarassed, whilst the recipient would get a compliment
HOWEVER, Newtons third law of Motion comes into play here
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
This isn't just true for motion, I believe that society has this, a lot like Karma.
So for every nice comment on these formsprings, you will always get one person going "You're gay...................you fucking sicken me" (only with poorer grammar, as homophobic people generally have a looser grasp on the english language)
People with formspring accounts these days generally do confuse me quite a bit, as they've seen what some people have had done to them ( Like my girlfriends best friend, and a gay lad in my history class). So why have an account when you know people are just going to attempt to make your day shit ?
I mean howay!?!?, making your life seem shit is my job ;)
The next bit of my blog was about an argument I got into over music, but then I had a epiphany, and the realisation I'm not going to be petty and bitch about someone in a blog, after I have just slagged off people for being cunts online when they dont have the balls to say it

The phrase at the start of the blog is a phrase which rings true to me.
Speak now, or forever hold your peace.
Basically, say whatever is on your mind, because if you hold back, you'll regret it yourself
and it you say something harsh without making your identity known, you're a coward.

The reason this blog isn't as hate filled as normal, is because I've discovered something rare for me. Happiness.
This holiday has been epic, here's a quick list about what I got up to.

• Ive basked in the sun eating chinese food with my girlfriend
• I've witnessed the best unsigned band I've ever seen
• I've been at a barbeque in the sun with a beer in one hand and a reggae reggae burger in the other
• I've seen old friends
• I've made new friends
• There was even a bear
  

(Awful joke, I'm aware of that, sorry :P )
I even did a bit of revision :O

Basically.The world, for once, is a good place.
Sorry for the lack of cynicism, but I just dont feel hateful today
CAW xx