Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Pizza Nif

Right, I know it's premature (just like my ejaculations) but there is a lot of anger and cynicism pent up inside me from my weekly release of Saturday
So I'm going to let it all out in this midweek blog (tada, actually, I think this needs a stupid, shit, overrated Las Vegas sign to emphasise this Midweek blog)
Basically, right, Politics, Relationships, and metaphors will be tackled in this update. So here goes.....
David Camerons wife is apparently pregnant, now forgive me for seeming a little harsh/inappropriate/cuntish, but his son died a few months back (or years, time flies when you're having fun) and with a general election on it's way within the next few weeks, is it just me or is this pregnancy being publicised by the Sun ( A Conservative Newspaper I may add) to try and appeal to the undecided and chances are unvoting 18-25 year olds (who, in todays society, will already have kids) to try and win sympathy votes, and ultimately, the election, where they (the conservatives, not The Sun)will inevitably steal our milk, ruin the current North East economy (currently steel, metalworks, car manufacturing, etc) , and generally establish an even bigger class gulf. Who knows? Time will tell.....NEXT!
Walked into College on the Monday morn, the deathly silence which meant only one thing , I was early to my lesson by a good 45 minutes, so heres me, sitting alone with my thoughts (my mp3 had died the night before) and I start to remember that Catherine is coming in early to see me, this is good for me, as I have not seen her for a few days.I see her, times are good, a few moments later, times are bad, to cut a long ( and painful, on my part) story short. I'm allowed one balls up with Cati, then I getsd a knife through my ribs, which aint gonna fucking tickle.

NEXT!!!

And finally, with my cynicism boiling to such an extreme where I feel the need to post a MIDWEEK BLOG

But basically, it started when I was on the bus with Missy, and we got to talking about relationships, love, you know....All the soppy shite. Then it got my to thinking about the phrase "you're one in a million", now we all know that that's meant to be a really nice phrase, a "statement of love" if you will. BUT, has anyone really stopped to think about what this phrase truly means. No ? Didn't think so.Well let me try and put it into my terms.
The phrase "one in a million" indicates that this person is so unique, they are one in a million, and they love them due to this fact. But, when you consider the current population of the world is well over 6 Billion, that means there are 6 thousand people....JUST LIKE YOU. So that's like saying that in China for every person that is "one in a million" there are a thousand people just like you (or if you want to be racially intolerant with the belief they're all the same, there's 1 billion just like you( I do not advocate racial intolerance (wow, brackets inside brackets, how shit is this? ) )
I'll now put this into UK terms, for every person looking for their "one in a million". The population of the City of Birmingham is just over 1 million. This means that you have a good chance of finding your one true love in Birmingham. Now given that beauty is in the eye of the behold, and that love is blind, this would have to mean that there is a somewhat varied kind of personality and looks in Birmingham (which we are using as our marker)However, most Brummies are the same, they are miserable fuckers who look like the back of my scrotum.
Do you really wanna take your chances that someone from Birmingham is your one true love ?
Or do you just want to abolish that bollocks phrase of " One in a million" and replace it with, "I cannot stop thinking about you."
Cynical rant over, see you all Next Saturday

Saturday, 20 March 2010

Sweating Bullets

"Hello me, meet the real me" - Dave Mustaine - 1992
Where to begin to describe what went on this week. To sum up in a word - Hectic.
This lass must've took a good whack to the skull, because she decided she wanted to go out with me (Weird, I know), luckily, I wanted to as well, so Me + Cati = gooooood times :D

Right, now I've had a few sentences to get my niceness out of my system, we now move swiftly onto what's been wrong with the world this week :
Shit F1 races : No refueling, just turning it into an even bigger procession :@
Intonations : They keep going out on my guitar, by god it's frustrating me!!
The Sun Newspaper : Their Tory bias bollocks makes me more than a little bit angry, I may send the editor a letter with a good bit of shit in it, as he seems intent of shovelling his shit through my household every day, I'll just repay the favour to him :)
The Weather : Thank you, bastarding rain, putting paid to my plans of going out, and seeing some old mates, thank you, If you were a real person, I would firebomb your house.Cunt ¬¬

RRAAAAAGGGE!!!!11!!!!!!!!


Ranting aside, college wasn't totally unbearable this week either, apart from being kicked out of a bar for being too young (damn you, Nazi space workers ¬¬) although I missed mah Rainbow :(
Tonights agenda - drink, and mentally prepare myself for another week of the same ...Oh, and go on the guitar.
Till then,enjoy your life, because I know where you live....

Saturday, 13 March 2010

This is me dying in your arms...

First blog, so this is generally the one which doesn't get read by many people, so I'll take this chance to address the fact that I would punch a good 90 % of you in the face. Be grateful, this has went down from 100% in the last two weeks. So something must be going well for me these days.

Decided to finally make a blog after seeing Albrightons masterpieces, and hoped that I would somehow be able to make blogs on par and of similar hilarity as his ( "there is no braille alternative", give it a read)
Went to see Trivium midweek, fell over in the middle of a wall of death, was saved by a scene kid (how degrading). also got punched in the face, headbutted a mans shoulder, flew a yard or two backwards when knocked on my arse.A good night all round. Also had a sudden epiphany whilst writing this, the names of the blogs shall follow whatever song I'm listening to at the time, this could work out badly, as I have an odd taste in music
Elswhere in my shit life so far, got exam grades back, avoided failure, which was unexpected. Good times. Suffering from the killer disease known as man flu - Bad times